Hey, everyone!
Well, it's February. Things have been a little nuts down here in the 254. In addition to *finally* being released from my on campus living contract (signing the lease on an apartment next week!) I've gotten into contact with my biological father and sisters for the first time in my life. So that's been a bit of an emotional upheaval. But what's really on my mind to actually write about today is love. Not romantic or friendly love, but GOD'S love. For me. For you. For all of us. Now, this post is mainly directed at women. But it's true for men, too. If you want the man's side of it, read "Wild at Heart" by John Eldredge. I've been reading this book by John and Stasi Eldredge called "Captivating". Now, there are some things in it that make me a bit uncomfortable or make me wonder where they base their theology. BUT. The main point that I took from the book is that as a woman, a beautiful, gem of God's creation, I AM LOVED. In our society, women always sort of carry this weight, this feeling that we aren't good enough. We constantly ask the question, "Am I worthy? Am I lovable? Am I good enough?" We feel aren't enough, yet (emotionally) we're "too much" for men to handle. No one wants to "deal with" us. Men always wish women could be "simpler" or "more like a man". We run to other things (hobbies, people, men) trying to get that question answered. We want to hear that we're beautiful and special. But when someone tells us no (we fail, get rejected, feel unloved) we steel up and move on to something that WILL tell us we're worthy. Maybe this is how we end up with so many sexually and emotionally promiscuous (and later bruised and battered) women?
Growing up, I loved dresses and barbies and such. But I always felt that to be respected and for boys to like me, I had to be that "cool" chick that played guitar and wore transformers t-shirts and converse. I have always loved the color pink, but until now, I was terrified to admit it. I didn't want to be seen as a "girly girl" because, for some reason, in our society, femininity is looked down upon and seen as weakness or silliness. I love frilly things, pink things, shiny things. Perfume and makeup and high heels and love stories and chocolate and good conversation. I like having my hair played with and being complimented and lighting candles and painting my nails. I have a ridiculously blinged-up phone cover, just because it makes me smile (now, this doesn't mean I don't also love action movies, fast cars, and steak. I so do. The vast majority of my friends are guys, and I know how to be "one of the guys".) But living in a male-dominated world, we women feel..stifled. Squished. We've got to put on our big girl panties, tuck the dresses and tears away, and be "strong" to compete with the men. Not that every woman loves pink and Chanel. But we do share one thing: we don't feel good enough. Loved. Treasured. We feel inadequate. Misunderstood. Overwhelming. Silly. Whether you're like me, a girly girl with a closet dare devil in her, or like my good friend Jessica who would never in a million years voluntarily wear pink or sparkles, we're all women. It's a rough thing to come to terms with. But here's something to chew on: man was made in the image of God. In a good man, we can see a glimpse of God's strength, protective, fatherly love, fierce devotion, determination, maybe even justice. But guess what. Man was made in the image of God..and so was woman. In women is God's tender love. His unconditional, terrifying devotion to his loved ones. His romantic side. His love for beauty. His love of relationship and deep conversation and peace. Also, some of his wrath. "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned" right? We aren't weak. We are warriors, too. If these are things that are attributes of God, portrayed in women, why does our society beat them down so? It breaks my heart.
One thing that God's really been showing me lately is his overwhelming love for me. I was going to continue my study through Romans the other night when I felt the still, small voice of my father prompting me to go to the Psalms and just stay there. Dwell there. Rest and soak in the love and beautiful poetry written there. These past few weeks have all been about my finally picking up my head and hearing, "I love you, precious one." You know that in the Bible, God is not only talked about as loving us as a father loves his children, but as a husband loves his wife? He is JEALOUS for us. He doesn't want our hearts going to anyone else. He wants all of us, all the time, just like a jealous, protective husband. Not only does God want to love us, he's the only one who really can love us PERFECTLY. You know yourself. You know what you need when you're upset. You know if you're a talker, a cuddler, a grudge holder, or an "I need time alone" kind of person. You know what makes you smile the most and what you find most beautiful. And the only other person that deeply, truly knows all those things about you is the one person who created those characteristics in you. Our father is the only one who can love us unconditionally and PERFECTLY. Don't believe me? Go read Hosea chapter 2. Look at the amazing, tender love the father has for us. He blocks us in and tears us up until we let go of our idols and earthly "lovers" (places we run to try to find comfort and affirmation) and realize that there is no one but Him to love and comfort us. And as soon as we realize it..man. He lavishes us in love like we've never known. He wants to "betroth [us] in love and compassion". Such a foreign combination of fatherly devotion and romantic passion, but so beautiful in the eyes of our Father.
This is a weird, deep, sort of controversial post. But I wanted to share it with those women who like me, sometimes wonder, "Am I really good enough?" The answer is yes. You are.
