Making Use Of My Blessings

         Today, as I sat down with my Bible and a cup of coffee, I was drawn to 1 Samuel 1-2, the story of Hannah and the birth of Samuel. For those who haven't read the story in a while, or those who never have, the basic synopsis is this: Hannah was barren, and poured her heart out to the Lord in anguish, begging Him for a son. She vowed that if the Lord blessed her with a son, she would offer the son back to him and take the son to be a priest in the temple under Eli. The Lord was faithful to Hannah, and she did exactly what she promised she would do - after she weaned Samuel (the son) she took him to the temple at Shiloh and placed him under Eli's care for the rest of his life.

        Wow. Talk about faith! Talk about a woman who knew that everything she was and everything she was given belonged to the Lord! In a society as materialistic and success-driven as our own, it is incredibly easy to forget that we have been blessed and GIVEN the things we have. Yes, we work hard and make money and earn titles/jobs/resources, but ultimately it is God who allows us to work, to earn, to strive and to be successful. In Acts chapter 17, Paul writes, "From one man he made every nation of men, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he determined the times set for them and the exact places where they should live. God did this so that men would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from each one of us. For in Him we live and move and have our being. As some of your own poets have said, 'We are his offspring.'" 

When I read Hannah's story, I was forced to see just how open-handed she was. She didn't guard Samuel and hold onto him as if he were her own - she raised him up and offered him BACK to the Lord. Hannah recognized that Samuel was a gift, a sign of God's faithfulness to her, and she recognized that Samuel was HIS. In a perfect world, socialism would work. The people of God would live as the people of the New Testament did: sharing everything and holding nothing back. However, our world is not perfect. We are a fallen people who struggle daily with greed, materialism, and selfishness. We have a hard time realizing that no matter how hard we work, the things we earn are ultimately from God! God determines where we start and where we end. He blessed us with the freedom to make choices and take whichever path we choose, but He is our ultimate source of life. He blesses us with resources and circumstances! I often forget that the things I've been given are not SOLELY for my enjoyment - I am supposed to use the circumstances and resources that God has given me to BRING HIM GLORY. Yesterday, a friend tweeted, "If your answer to 'What is the meaning of life?' isn't 'God's glorification', then you're doing it wrong." Our lives, our circumstances (good or bad), our resources (many or few) are given to us as tools to bring God glory. Should we enjoy the gifts God has given us? Yes! Ultimately, though, we have to keep our minds set on His glory. We need to keep an eternal perspective! This life is not what we were designed for. This world is not our home! The things we are given now will pass away and fade just as quickly as they came. The things we DO with these things we're given, however...those acts are eternal. The lives we save by giving to those less fortunate than ourselves, the souls won to Christ by church-supported missionaries, and the hearts touched by our willingness to give generously will last. Our time, our money, our material possessions, even our COMFORT are things we can sacrifice to bring God glory. Those things are resources and gifts that God has given us to USE, not just enjoy. They're what I like to call "utility gifts". A beautiful necklace or a sweet love letter are gifts given from the heart for us to enjoy, but they don't serve much purpose. A new pressure washer, though, that thing gets stuff done! We should see the things God gives us not as sweet presents for us to admire and stare at, but as utility gifts we can use to accomplish His Kingdom purposes! Does this mean that you can't help accomplish God's purposes without financial or material resources? No! I believe that even what we see as "negative" circumstances or times of doubt, grief, pain, and loss are "utility gifts". Times of grief and struggle are often the times that God grows us and changes us the most. He enables us to be more vulnerable and more desperate for Him in those times than in any others. Our desperation, our seeking, our desire for Him can touch lives! We can grow in the knowledge of him so that we will be better, more capable tools for his kingdom! Our faithfulness to God during hard times is a testament in and of itself, and people notice. We can (and should) use both good times AND bad to bring glory to His name.

Praise God for his goodness to his people!

Pride Comes Before The Fall

Hey, everyone! It has been so long since my last post. Many times in my spiritual life, when I find that I'm not spending as much time deeply studying God's Word, it's because I'm in a dry spell or feeling distant from my Father. However, the past couple of months, I've felt that God has blessed me with a time of peace and rest. Though I haven't been spending as much time as I'd like in prayer and scripture, I've also been feeling much less anxious and frustrated with my spiritual life than before. I did, however, feel myself drifting from the closeness I so desperately want with my Daddy God, I think mostly due to the fact that I just don't have a place to go to church regularly. Church is a difficult thing for me right now, simply because I don't have a "home church" in Arlington since my family left Pantego, and I don't yet feel "at home" at a church in Waco. I so miss the sweet times of worship, study, and fellowship that being a member of a close-knit church family brings. Nothing in the world can compare to the encouragement and love of a church family. One thing about being an active member of the Body of Christ that many people struggle with, though, (including myself) is the concept of correction or instruction. I believe that the way we receive correction or admonition from our brothers and sisters in Christ quickly displays whether or not we are wise people. The passage that the Lord brought to me tonight is Proverbs 9:7-9, which says, 


"Whoever corrects a mocker invites insult; whoever rebukes a wicked man incurs abuse. Do not rebuke a mocker or he will hate you; rebuke a wise man and he will love you. Instruct a wise man and he will be wiser still; teach a righteous man and he will add to his learning."


    The question this passage brings to mind for me is, "How do you respond to correction?" In this verse, the writer says that rebuking a foolish man will only make him hate you, while rebuking a wise man will make him love you. When we, even as Christians, are not full of the Spirit, we do not respond to criticism with grace and humility. 1 Corinthians 2:14 says, "The man without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him..." The words that come from the Spirit are taken as gibberish if we do not use the discernment and wisdom given to us by the Holy Spirit to receive them. But how does our response to correction display wisdom or foolishness? Proverbs 9:10 says, 


"The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding."  


 A wise man is someone who understands, as much as a man can, the power and righteousness and sovereignty of God. A wise man knows the Lord and knows himself - he is privy to his own weakness and need for the salvation of the Lord. He accepts his position as a sinner, and as a result, is open to correction that comes from his fellow believers and, ultimately, the Holy Spirit. A wise man is someone who is humble. On the other hand, foolishness is often accompanied by great pride and self-love. When someone "attacks" the heart or actions of a foolish man, even in love, the man will become defensive and hateful as a result of his own pride. When we recognize who we are and who God is, we are able to receive loving criticism from others with a humble and grateful heart. When we refuse to see God as He is and elevate ourselves to a position of prideful self-love, we receive criticism as a personal attack. Our reaction to others' loving guidance quickly and easily displays the state of our hearts. 


So, how do you respond to criticism? Do you shut down and become defensive, or do you accept it humbly and graciously? As much as I hate to admit it, I don't handle constructive criticism or being "called out" well, even by those I love and trust most. My first instinct is to become harsh and defensive, and to allow my pride to cloud my heart's vision.  Even when my mind can clearly see that my friend is right, my pride and foolishness won't allow me to humble myself and to be receptive to their words. What I need more of us the Spirit. 1 Corinthians 2:12 says, "We have not received the spirit of the world but the Spirit who is from God..." When we are in relationship with the Lord and are full of the Holy Spirit, we are able to understand and accept loving admonition. When we are full of self-love and pride, we will reject the words of the Spirit every time. Humble, or prideful? Wise, or foolish? We have been freely given the choice. Praise God!

My Calling

Shoot, y'all.

I just finished typing out this paper - it's an assignment about exploring the definition of what a "call to ministry" is and explaining what you believe your personal calling is (for my intro to ministry course). It's four pages long, and I completely understand if you don't want to read it! I just thought I would post it here to tell anyone who wants to read it a little more about my journey with Christ and my calling! Also, sorry if the formatting is strange. It's written in MLA format, and I just copy-pasted it here.

Here we go.

When thinking about the concept of a “call” to ministry, the first thing that should be defined is what ministry is. Ephesians 4:11-13 says,

“It was he who gave some to be apostles, some to be prophets, some to be evangelists, and some to be pastors and teachers, to prepare God's people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ.”

To me, ministry is exactly that – serving or leading others in a way that is conducive to building up the church (or the world as a whole, in the case of missions-based ministry) toward unity in faith. A “call to ministry”, then, is feeling a strong desire, pull, or, sometimes, push to serve in this way. This calling is something that should be supported and confirmed through prayer, seeking God’s will, and affirmation from the spiritual community that surrounds an individual. Many people believe that their call to ministry is based on a strong desire. Others say that they feel ministry is what God wanted for them – whether they wanted it or not. I believe that either of these sentiments can serve as a call to ministry. Often, God gives us gifts, talents, and passions that lead us to ministry, somewhat like Paul’s aptitude for speaking and debating. Sometimes, though, He calls us to areas of ministry that we don’t believe we have a strong inclination toward, like Moses’ call to lead the Israelites to freedom in spite of his hatred of speaking publicly. I believe, however, that most people are called to a specific type of ministry – i.e., pastoral ministry, music, children’s ministry, youth, etc. For me, the calling is primarily toward young women.

Ever since I was a little girl, I’ve loved helping people, listening to their problems, and giving advice. My mother tells me that when I was 5 or 6, I would put my glasses onto my favorite stuffed animal and turn him in to “Dr. Cow” – Dr. Cow would then become a psychologist and give advice to the people he heard on the radio (my mom was a fan of Dr. Laura Schlessinger’s Christian talk-show). Growing up, my dreams about my future vocation ranged from police officer, to chemist, to professional musician, to writer. When I was 14, I began going out with a boy named Daniel. A year and a half later, when I was nearly 16, I felt God calling me to end the relationship and to pursue Him wholeheartedly. Though I had been saved when I was young and had been living a Christian life, I knew that I had allowed my relationship with Daniel to take priority over my relationship with Christ. For several months, I tried to avoid being obedient to the call I’d received, but I was so filled with anxiety and conviction that I finally did end the relationship. That summer, I spent the majority of my time reading and thinking about the state of my heart: clearly, I’d let myself become far too emotionally invested in my relationship with Daniel. I began reading books concerning teenage relationships and the way those relationships should be handled in light of our relationship with Christ. Books such as Eyes Wide Open: Avoiding the Heartbreak of Emotional Promiscuity and Every Young Woman’s Battle opened my eyes to the physical and emotional hardships that Christian young women face in our society – a society that encourages promiscuity, vanity, and drama, while and denouncing purity, self-acceptance, and a Christ-centered life. I also fell in love with the books Hosea and Song of Solomon. Both of these books contain beautiful messages about God’s radical love for us – a message I felt called to share with other women. Though the end of my relationship with Daniel was painful, it marked the beginning of my journey in ministry. I’ve known since then that I was called to help people – particularly teenage girls and women. It took 4 years for me to come around to the concept of actually going into ministry as a vocation. My plans have evolved from editing a Christian teen magazine, to writing books for girls, to clinical psychology, and finally, to biblical counseling and public speaking.

When I first began my freshman year at Baylor University, my “plan” as a psychology major was to obtain my PhD and become a clinical psychologist. About half way through the year, as I was choosing the classes I would take in the semesters to come, I began to wonder if that was really what I wanted. When people asked me what I wanted to “do” with psychology, I would tell them that I wanted to be a clinical psychologist. I’m not sure of the exact moment, but I eventually realized that this was not true. I slowly came to see that, though I knew it would require a longer education process, becoming a clinical psychologist was, for me, taking the “easy way out”. I knew I was called to serve the Lord through serving others, particularly women, but choosing ministry as a vocation would require me to put aside my carefully made plans and trust God to direct my future. I feared what I saw as an “uncertain” future, and, as a result, rejected the idea of devoting myself and my studies to my calling of ministry-based counseling and women’s ministry.

One thing that contributed to my decision to finally accept my calling was taking Christian Scriptures. I’d grown up in a private, Christian school, and honestly didn’t expect Christian Scriptures to be of much interest to me; I thought it would be more or less a review of things I’d learned over 12 years of daily Bible classes and weekly chapels. As the class progressed, however, and I saw the way that Dr. Holleyman unfolded the scriptures, I suddenly found myself desperate to study them more. Despite my previous Christian education, I had never really dug into the Scriptures from a literary and historical perspective – I was fascinated. Christian Scriptures quickly became one of my two favorite classes. The other, of course, was Introduction to Psychology. I looked up other classes that the religion department offered and decided that I wanted to take so many that I would need to add a minor in religion. The moment that I finally decided to change my focus from clinical psychology to counseling, I experienced a sense of joy, excitement and peace about my future that I hadn’t felt before. Not long after that, I met with the college pastor of Highland Baptist Church, Kyle Dunn, who encouraged me to consider attending seminary if I really wanted to serve in a ministry position. When I discovered that most seminaries offer a master’s degree in Biblical Counseling, I knew that that was the route I needed to take. I knew that I could get a counseling degree from any university, but my interest in studying religion and my desire to practice counseling specifically in a ministry setting led me to choose seminary for my graduate work. This decision essentially served as my acceptance of the call God had given me so many years before: a call to encourage, teach, lead, and love young women in the name of Christ.

Confession Time

Hey, everyone. Well, as this post says, I have a few thoughts I'd like to get out. This blog tends to be more of a formal, polished collection of thoughts and encouragements than a journal or diary. I don't post too often about personal conflicts, my daily life, or my struggles. Sometimes, I look at this blog and think, "Wow. I seem so secure." In all honesty, right now, I'm not. I am secure in my faith - there's no question about that. But this past few months, maybe even a year, has been a time of spiritual drought and lukewarm faith for me. I haven't shared much of my heart with people as of late, partly because I'm ashamed, and partly because I feel I have nothing to say. My heart feels dry and empty.

I wonder sometimes about the church these days. The book "Messy Spirituality" seems especially relevant right now. In the book, the author talks about how Christians are afraid to share their downfalls, faults, hurts, fears, doubts, and failures with other Christians. As Christians, aren't we supposed to be on a path constantly moving upward and improving ourselves? Aren't we supposed to be full of the love and peace of God? Aren't we supposed to keep happy faces and be full of joy, even in times of terrible suffering? In essence, the author points out that there is a huge gap between what we're expected to feel and think and what we ACTUALLY feel and think.

"Hey, Devon! How are you?!"

"Hey, girl! I'm fantastic! You know, tired, but God is good!"

"Great. See you later!"

versus

"Hey, Devon! How are you?!"

"Hey, girl. To be honest, I'm not good. My spiritual life is struggling, my grades are slipping, my parents are all over me, and I just don't feel the Lord in my life right now."

Sadly, most of the time, even if we were to be this honest and frank about our spiritual state, we get the same answer. "Great. See you later!" Sometimes they'll add in an "Oh, I'm sorry." or a "God is good! Keep your chin up!" but the sentiment is the same: the church today has us convinced that we aren't supposed to be messy. Christianity is supposed to be a happy, joyful group of people who don't slip, don't stumble, and don't ever feel anything other than "Great!" or "Pretty good, just a little tired!" If we were to honestly answer people every time they asked us how we were doing, we'd confuse the heck out of people.

Why? Why does the church adopt this happy-Christian facade? Early members of the church certainly didn't. Many times in the New Testament, Paul speaks openly about his struggles, pains, and personal shortcomings. Paul is OPEN with his life - his failures and his successes. Can you imagine the depth our relationships could have if we were willing to lay down our pride and show our true selves to each other as Christians? Everyone knows we aren't perfect. People say it all the time! So why are we so afraid to express what we KNOW to be true? Sometimes I wonder if the reason isn't doubt. This may sound a little scattered, but stay with me. IF we, as Christians know that we are sinners, undeserving of grace and completely deserving of death, that God so loved us that he sacrificed Jesus on our behalf, that we are completely absolved of our sins and absolutely forgiven, and that we are saved by our faith in the one who loves us endlessly, why would we be afraid to show our hearts to people? We're saved! We're dirty, sinful human people - but in the eyes of Christ we are white as snow! Who's opinion matters more? Man, or God? Galatians 1:10 says, "Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ." Why should we care if people know that we're sinners? Why should we care if they know that we're in a time of spiritual drought or that we're having doubts? If anything, our doubts, fears, and failures bring more glory to God! His strength is perfected in my weakness. Paul writes, "Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

Wow. Here's my confession, followers. I am weak. I don't read my Bible the way I should - in fact, I want to, but I'm too overwhelmed to start. I love helping people, but those who are in my way or hindering me from reaching a goal I treat terribly. I battle lust, greed, and impatience, I don't have even the faith of a mustard seed when it comes to putting my future into the hands of God, and at this point in my life, I feel dry and weary. My first instinct is to erase everything I just wrote, in shame and fear of what others might think. But I HAVE to remind myself that the opinions of the 6 people who read this blog mean NOTHING. My weaknesses bring glory to God. The fact that he could (and does) love someone like me shows His mercy, grace, goodness, patience, and perfect love. He is glorified in my screw ups! Does that mean I should walk around doing whatever I choose and disregarding my goal to follow Christ entirely, so that I'll "bring God more glory"? No! But not hiding the inevitable and very real struggles we Christians face from one another is good. From a website called www.thegospelcoalition.org:

Share one another’s needs and problems.

Galatians 6:2: “Carry each other’s burdens”

1 Thessalonians 5:11: “Encourage one another”

Hebrews 3:13: “Encourage one another daily”

Share one another’s needs and problems.

Galatians 6:2: “Carry each other’s burdens”

1 Thessalonians 5:11: “Encourage one another”

Hebrews 3:13: “Encourage one another daily”

Fellow Christians, let's boast about our sufferings as Paul does. Let's be honest with our brothers and sisters. In this way, we can encourage one another, cheer each other on, and help each other when times are hard. We are not called to live our spiritual lives alone - you are not alone.

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Made New!

Hey, everyone!

Man. Life has been...well, life. Tomorrow is the last day of the semester for me, and I am definitely ready to get home. As y'all know, it's been a rough semester for me in pretty much every way, especially spiritually. I've definitely let my spiritual life fall by the wayside and I haven't been really holding fast to my beliefs! Not okay! I don't usually think much of New Years, but this year, I'm couldn't be more excited to celebrate new beginnings. That's actually something that we talked about in church today - being made new. The college pastor at Woodway talked about the story of Nicodemus in a way I've never thought about it before; he says that Nicodemus had an agenda. Nicodemus, ruler of the Pharisees, came to Jesus in the night to ask him questions. Nicodemus, a man of power and position in the church, came to Jesus. He starts to ask Jesus a question but before he is even able to finish, Jesus cuts him off and tells him that, "...no one can see the kingdom of God unless they are born again," Interesting. To me, this sounds like the answer to a question. Problem: Nicodemus didn't ask a question. So why did Jesus tell him this? Criner talked this morning about how Nicodemus came to Jesus with an agenda. He wanted to add whatever it was that Jesus was selling to his already good, Pharisee life. Jesus immediately cuts Nicodemus off to tell him that there is NO way he will see the Kingdom unless he is born again. Nicodemus can't just "add a little Jesus" to his life. None of us can. We need the transforming power of Jesus to come in to our lives, rip us apart, and make us completely new creations. We are told to be "transformed by the renewing of our minds" (Rom. 12:2) and that if we are in Christ, we are a "new creation" and the old has gone! (2 Cor. 5:17). Jesus doesn't do things halfway. Jesus doesn't do makeovers, Jesus destroys our old self and rebuilds us from the ground up. He doesn't add a nice touch to our story, either. Jesus comes into our lives and recreates us into a completely new being. He brings us into HIS story, and our lives cease to be about US. We live in a society that justifies everything it does - we don't think we've done anything wrong. It's hard for us to understand the weight of our sin - I'll tell you, it's not something that can be covered with a fresh coat of paint and some new curtains. We need TRANSFORMATION, not renovation. We need to be born again. This analogy, to me, is so interesting it's almost funny. Can you imagine being born again, at the age you are now? It would be messy, uncomfortable, painful, not to mention embarrassing. When we are infants, we aren't aware of all that - we only know that we are being forced to leave somewhere warm and comfortable and safe, and enter a strange, cold world full of things we don't understand. Our parents know that out here, in the world, is a better place for us. We trust them to provide for us and care for us, not because we choose to, but because we have no other choice. Infants don't actively choose to trust their parents - it is the only thing they know to do. We need to be born again! We need to be made completely new and then trust that Jesus is going to care for us. Really, we don't have a choice. He is our only hope, our only strength, our only chance at really living the lives God has for us.

Let's not be made over, renovated, or spruced-up. Let's be overhauled, recreated, and made new by the blood of Jesus. Praise the Lord!

I'm Not Alone

Wow, y'all. It's been a while, huh? I've been so insanely busy this year, and honestly, I've been in a huge slump with my Daddy God. Satan has been attacking my heart, pulling me into sin, and whispering lies to me! I've definitely stumbled a lot, and hit the ground face first more than a few times. I didn't even really want to write in this blog, because I just felt like I had nothing to say. I'm still not entirely sure what I want to say, but here's what's on my mind. I am not alone. I am not perfect. I feel like Satan has been trying to make me believe that I'm the only one who messes up, and that I can't trust anyone with my problems or shortcomings. He's been flooding my heart with shame and guilt, and that is not of the Holy Spirit! I think what I'm getting at is this: God doesn't bring guilt and shame, he brings conviction and then FORGIVENESS. He tells us that our sins are as far from us as the east is from the west. Our father, who knows all and sees all and holds all, chooses to throw our sin away from himself and forget it (once it has been confessed). He wants us to be completely united with Him through the redeeming blood of Christ, and as the pastor of my college ministry says, "You can't sin your way out of grace." Also, something I'm trying to wrap my mind around, is that I am not alone. I am not the only imperfect one. I am not the only person who struggles and sometimes falls. I am not isolated! I think that Satan wants us to believe that we are. And, ironically, if we believe that we are alone and isolated, we tend to become isolated! God calls us all to one body and unites us in his love. We are called to love and show grace to each other. Listen to each other and offer help and support and grace - not judgement or anger. Take heart, y'all! We are called to do life together - and Lord knows life isn't always pretty. Paul says this:

"So, my brothers and sisters, you also died to the law through the body of Christ, that you might belong to another, to him who was raised from the dead, in order that we might bear fruit for God. ⁵ For when we were in the realm of the flesh,^[a] the sinful passions aroused by the law were at work in us, so that we bore fruit for death. ⁶ But now, by dying to what once bound us, we have been released from the law so that we serve in the new way of the Spirit, and not in the old way of the written code.

¹⁴ We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. ¹⁵ I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. ¹⁶ And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. ¹⁷ As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. ¹⁸ For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature.^[c] For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out.¹⁹ For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. ²⁰ Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.

²¹ So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. ²² For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; ²³ but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. ²⁴What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? ²⁵Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!" Romans 7:4-6, 4-24

And also:

"¹ Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, ² because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you^[a] free from the law of sin and death. ³ For what the law was powerless to do because it was weakened by the flesh,^[b] God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh to be a sin offering.^[c]And so he condemned sin in the flesh.." Romans 8:1-3

Y'all, we are free. We have been set free from our sin and our struggling and our striving. We are held and loved by God, and as long as we are in Christ, the only power that sin has over us is the power we give to it. I am most definitely preaching to myself, here! I'm free.

"You can't run if you're holding suitcases, it's a new day throw away your mistakes. Open up your heart, let down your guard, you don't have to be afraid. Just breathe, your load can be lifted. There's a better way when you know you're forgiven." -- Dara Maclean

I know that most of what I've posted today is not even my own words - but these words are expressions of what I'm feeling and trying to believe! I hope they've been an encouragement to you.

D

Surrender

Hey, guys!

It's been so long since I've posted. I've been insanely busy, but also spiritually somewhat dry. I'd love to tell you all about what God has been doing in my life, but honestly, I haven't been giving him the time to do it, lately. I know that God has the power to do anything he likes, with or without my consent. But will he? That's what my post is about today. So many times in my life, I feel overwhelmed. Out of control. Anxious, fearful, stress-ridden, lost. All I want is for someone else to step in and run my life for me so I don't have to worry about it anymore. Have you ever felt that way? I'll bet that most of us have. In fact, lately, I've been feeling that way more often than not. What my heart really wants is for God to break down my walls and barriers, tear apart my life, and TAKE control away from me so that I don't have to fight to hold onto it anymore. I don't want to worry about RELEASING the areas of my life I know I'm keeping sequestered from my Father, I just want him to grab them from me. But is that really the way God works? From what I've learned about my Father, he is loving. Patient. Kind. Protective. He WANTS control of our lives even more than I want him to have it. So why doesn't he just take it? I think the reason that God often sits back and lets us wrestle with our problems is somewhat similar to the reason we have free will. If we were forced to obey God's commandments, our lives wouldn't reflect a love for him. We wouldn't be loving, devoted children - we'd be slaves (and the Bible specifically says we're NOT slaves, but that we're free in Christ!). God allows us to make decisions because he loves us, and he wants us to choose HIM. When we don't, it breaks his heart. But he waits, ever so patiently, and lets us discover how much we need him on our own. That way, when we do finally realize how wonderful life could be if we chose God's way, we are filled with awe and love and wonder at his Grace! The same can be said for releasing control of our lives to God. God doesn't want to just take control away from us. He wants us to love him and TRUST him enough to let it go voluntarily. I'll be the first to say that this is difficult. My anxiety and OCD make it hard for me to relinquish control of ANYTHING, never mind my life and my future. It would be so much easier if God would just wrench control away from me! But I think that, more often than not, he would rather just wait for us to realize how much we need him and how much better his plans are than ours. That way, when we finally do surrender, we can be filled with love for our father and awe at his mercy and grace. In Matthew, Jesus compares himself to a mother hen, who wants nothing more than to gather her chicks under her wings. But do you know what the most amazing part is? Jesus isn't exactly like a mother hen. You know those women people describe as mother hens? A little dominant, impatient, but very loving and task oriented and protective? That would be me. Mother hens (real or human) don't wait around for their chicks to come snuggle under their wings. They run around like wild, scooping them up and shoving them under without hesitating or asking for permission. Sometimes, Jesus does this in our lives. Sometimes, he bursts in and scoops us up before we even realize what's going on. But the way Jesus describes himself in this passage in Matthew is as a mother hen who LONGS to gather her chicks, but doesn't because THEY AREN'T WILLING. Woah. This God who is all powerful, all knowing, all mighty, and all loving, WAITS for us to be willing. That tells me that not only does God have crazy, radical love for us - he wants us to have crazy, radical, trusting love for him in return. Surrendering control of our lives to Him shows that we trust (or are at least willing to trust) in His plans for us. He waits for us with open arms until we are ready to surrender to him. What a patient, forgiving father.

And They Will Know us by HIS Love

Love your neighbor. Love your enemies. Love others more than yourself. Love each other.

Over and over in the Bible we are given the command to "love". When you ask any random person on the street what loving their neighbor means to them, you'll get a whole slew of answers. "Loving my neighbor means putting them first." "Loving my neighbor means doing nice things like opening the door for them and saying 'thanks'." "Loving my neighbor means not being a jerk to them, even when I'm having a bad day." "Loving my neighbor means sharing the gospel with them." "Loving my neighbor means taking care of them before myself." Kindness, goodness, gentleness, even things like sacrifice and the "I Am Second" slogan. These are all things we associate with "loving" others. And really, they're all right. But don't you think there could be something more? Surely, if "love" was one of the two GREATEST commandments, the one Jesus emphasized the most, there's more to it than just "being nice"? The book of John says that Christians will be known by their love. But lots of people can love. Hindus may be some of the nicest people you'll ever meet, out of their belief in respect for all life and in karma. But they aren't Christians. What sets us apart in our love?

Maybe its that our love is more complicated. Love is not a noun. It is not a thing. Its a verb. Love is taking action. So how do we do that? Is "being nice" really enough? It seems to me that being nice doesn't require anything of us. Maybe when you're having a rough day, being nice requires a little extra patience. Maybe it takes an ounce of effort to hitch up that smile even when you feel you'd rather the world just go away. But does it really take something from us? From our hearts? We are called to love sacrificially. Love should cost us something! That's the beauty of love. Practically speaking, I tend to think that "love" is different from person to person. Everyone has heard of the "love languages" concept - the idea that each person has a different way of giving and receiving "love". The concept is generally applied within the context of marriage: learn to speak your spouse's love language and be a more loving partner. But what if we applied that to friendships? Family? Strangers? It would take a lot more than just an ounce of effort, wouldn't it? Learning how to best love someone takes time, effort, and sacrifice. But isn't that what Jesus did? He interacted with people based on their needs, not his own. The Samaritan woman Jesus encounters at the well at the beginning of his ministry is a good picture of this. This woman was destitute, and outcast among outcasts. She had 5 husbands, and the people of her city looked down upon her and rejected her. She probably could have used money, new clothes, some advice, and a hug. But what Jesus saw in her heart that she probably needed more than anything was acceptance. Jesus loved her in the most effective way by telling her he knew all the awful things she'd ever done and then offering her his "living water" anyway. Money, clothes, advice, a hug - yeah, she could have used those things. But what her heart and soul really needed that day was acceptance. And Jesus loved her enough to see that in her and to offer it to her. Take my best friend, Sarah. I know that one thing that means the world to her is to have someone LISTEN. I have always been more of the talker in our friendship, and she is usually very content to just listen and chime in. But one thing that I have had to learn about effectively loving Sarah is that the one thing that makes her feel extremely loved and important is for someone to take the time to listen to her, rather than forcing her to be the listener. Don't misunderstand - Sarah is a great listener. She loves listening and giving counsel. But sometimes, she just needs someone to listen to HER. And that is one way that I can show her love. It would take a lot more effort and sacrifice on our part to truly love people this way, wouldn't it? Sure, we can't get to know everyone we see on this deep, personal level. Opening doors and "being nice" are good ways of showing love to those we encounter but never really "know". But think about the people you surround yourself with. What ways are there that you can communicate love to them?

Seems impossible, doesn't it? Definitely. We, as Christians, are called to love people in a supernatural way. We love people (or we're supposed to love people) regardless of all circumstances, unconditionally. As a human, a woman, a college student who often runs low on sleep, and a person who knows just how irritable she can be, I honestly don't believe it's possible for us to love others perfectly all the time. Not on our own, at least. That's the beauty of God's love for us. As we love God, he fills us with compassion for others even when we feel we physically can't love any more or that we're just at the end of the line: out of love, out of patience, out of compassion. Maybe that's why the two commandments go together: Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength, and love your neighbor as yourself. Love the Lord your God and then, once you've done that, you'll be ABLE to love your neighbor as yourself. His perfect love fills the gaps in our broken, imperfect, human love. His love for others shining through us is what sets us apart. They will know us by HIS love, showing up in our lives.

Technology

Hello, all!

I realize it's been a while since I last posted, but life has been crazy lately. There is something swirling around in my head that I thought I should jot down, though. Today in chapel (about 10 minutes ago, actually) the speaker addressed the concept of technology and its effect on us as people and as Christians. The two points technology makes, he said, are that it offers efficiency and minimizes the importance of location. Basically, his point was this: technology offers to make us more efficient. Commercials talk about how having X product will increase your productivity and allow you to multiply yourself and accomplish more. In reality, that's not possible. There is no way to multiply my efficiency and my concentration; rather, multitasking with technology just divides my attention and reduces how much I'm actually learning and retaining, even if I am getting more "done". Also, technology removes us from ourselves and makes it so that we are not "restricted by something as trivial as location" (quoted from a commercial shown). In the commercial, a little boy is shown watching his favorite TV character (a penguin) in his kitchen, then in the car, then on a handheld device in his stroller in the mall. The next scene shows the little boy actually meeting the character in person at the mall, with no mediation, and the little boy panics and can't handle it. The mom then puts the boy back in the stroller, gives him his handheld version of the show, and he's happy. What does this say about our society? It shows us just how restricting technology is! We lose our ability to connect to people face to face! How can we solve problems over text or through email when we can't see the other person? Can't actively listen and feel what they feel? Can't express true emotion or clarify? How can we solve problems or communicate effectively when the key ingredients of good communication are lost?

We all know how it feels to be upset. Sometimes we are angry, frustrated, depressed - and we just want to be alone. But sometimes, possibly even more heartbreaking, is to feel alone, down, distraught, helpless, empty, and to have that feeling of, "I just don't want to be alone right now." Sometimes we just need someone to BE there. To be PRESENT and exist right there, right then, by our side. We may not be at a point where we need them to say anything, really, we just need to have someone PRESENT. How can sending a "heard bout ur mom, hope u feel bettr" text really comfort anyone? How can an apology truly be given in an email? Maybe this is why God gave us bodies. As the speaker said, God didn't just create millions of floating, spiritual beings. He created spiritual beings with physical constraints. We cannot be in more than one place at one time, and that is a good thing. Sometimes we NEED to slow down, put down our cell phones, and just be present! From a Christian perspective, this is even more crucial. The "efficiency" technology supposedly offers us counteracts the basic, most fundamental aspects of Christianity. Love. Faith. Peace. Joy. Suffering. Selflessness. How can any of these things be efficient? How can we truly love others or be joyful or suffer in an efficient way? How can we be efficiently selfless? We can't! These are values that cannot be constricted and compartmentalized to fit our schedules. How beautiful is it when you sit down and just have a long, real conversation, face to face, with a good friend? When you can see their eyes, watch their reactions. You can lean in and listen when they speak, and hug their neck or slap their arm in reaction to their words. How can we do that with emoticons and the little *hits arm* things? There is no form of communication that can compare to physical presence and face-to-face, real love and time.

I realize that we can't always be right next to someone all the time. Technology can facilitate communication! (Lord knows I can't live without my smart phone). But maybe we should look at how we wield our technology and really pay attention to how it shapes us as people and as followers of Jesus.

LOVE

Hey, everyone!

Well, it's February. Things have been a little nuts down here in the 254. In addition to *finally* being released from my on campus living contract (signing the lease on an apartment next week!) I've gotten into contact with my biological father and sisters for the first time in my life. So that's been a bit of an emotional upheaval. But what's really on my mind to actually write about today is love. Not romantic or friendly love, but GOD'S love. For me. For you. For all of us. Now, this post is mainly directed at women. But it's true for men, too. If you want the man's side of it, read "Wild at Heart" by John Eldredge. I've been reading this book by John and Stasi Eldredge called "Captivating". Now, there are some things in it that make me a bit uncomfortable or make me wonder where they base their theology. BUT. The main point that I took from the book is that as a woman, a beautiful, gem of God's creation, I AM LOVED. In our society, women always sort of carry this weight, this feeling that we aren't good enough. We constantly ask the question, "Am I worthy? Am I lovable? Am I good enough?" We feel aren't enough, yet (emotionally) we're "too much" for men to handle. No one wants to "deal with" us. Men always wish women could be "simpler" or "more like a man". We run to other things (hobbies, people, men) trying to get that question answered. We want to hear that we're beautiful and special. But when someone tells us no (we fail, get rejected, feel unloved) we steel up and move on to something that WILL tell us we're worthy. Maybe this is how we end up with so many sexually and emotionally promiscuous (and later bruised and battered) women?

Growing up, I loved dresses and barbies and such. But I always felt that to be respected and for boys to like me, I had to be that "cool" chick that played guitar and wore transformers t-shirts and converse. I have always loved the color pink, but until now, I was terrified to admit it. I didn't want to be seen as a "girly girl" because, for some reason, in our society, femininity is looked down upon and seen as weakness or silliness. I love frilly things, pink things, shiny things. Perfume and makeup and high heels and love stories and chocolate and good conversation. I like having my hair played with and being complimented and lighting candles and painting my nails. I have a ridiculously blinged-up phone cover, just because it makes me smile (now, this doesn't mean I don't also love action movies, fast cars, and steak. I so do. The vast majority of my friends are guys, and I know how to be "one of the guys".) But living in a male-dominated world, we women feel..stifled. Squished. We've got to put on our big girl panties, tuck the dresses and tears away, and be "strong" to compete with the men. Not that every woman loves pink and Chanel. But we do share one thing: we don't feel good enough. Loved. Treasured. We feel inadequate. Misunderstood. Overwhelming. Silly. Whether you're like me, a girly girl with a closet dare devil in her, or like my good friend Jessica who would never in a million years voluntarily wear pink or sparkles, we're all women. It's a rough thing to come to terms with. But here's something to chew on: man was made in the image of God. In a good man, we can see a glimpse of God's strength, protective, fatherly love, fierce devotion, determination, maybe even justice. But guess what. Man was made in the image of God..and so was woman. In women is God's tender love. His unconditional, terrifying devotion to his loved ones. His romantic side. His love for beauty. His love of relationship and deep conversation and peace. Also, some of his wrath. "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned" right? We aren't weak. We are warriors, too. If these are things that are attributes of God, portrayed in women, why does our society beat them down so? It breaks my heart.

One thing that God's really been showing me lately is his overwhelming love for me. I was going to continue my study through Romans the other night when I felt the still, small voice of my father prompting me to go to the Psalms and just stay there. Dwell there. Rest and soak in the love and beautiful poetry written there. These past few weeks have all been about my finally picking up my head and hearing, "I love you, precious one." You know that in the Bible, God is not only talked about as loving us as a father loves his children, but as a husband loves his wife? He is JEALOUS for us. He doesn't want our hearts going to anyone else. He wants all of us, all the time, just like a jealous, protective husband. Not only does God want to love us, he's the only one who really can love us PERFECTLY. You know yourself. You know what you need when you're upset. You know if you're a talker, a cuddler, a grudge holder, or an "I need time alone" kind of person. You know what makes you smile the most and what you find most beautiful. And the only other person that deeply, truly knows all those things about you is the one person who created those characteristics in you. Our father is the only one who can love us unconditionally and PERFECTLY. Don't believe me? Go read Hosea chapter 2. Look at the amazing, tender love the father has for us. He blocks us in and tears us up until we let go of our idols and earthly "lovers" (places we run to try to find comfort and affirmation) and realize that there is no one but Him to love and comfort us. And as soon as we realize it..man. He lavishes us in love like we've never known. He wants to "betroth [us] in love and compassion". Such a foreign combination of fatherly devotion and romantic passion, but so beautiful in the eyes of our Father.


This is a weird, deep, sort of controversial post. But I wanted to share it with those women who like me, sometimes wonder, "Am I really good enough?" The answer is yes. You are.

The Voice of Truth

Hey, everyone!

It's finals week! Hence, I don't have a whole lot of spare thought for eloquent writing. But the main thing that's been on my mind today is the concept of Satan being a huge, jerk, liar, and God's voice being the only real truth! Also, I've been chewing on the importance of actually setting aside time to LISTEN for God's voice. The things that others say about us (or to us) aren't necessarily truth. Things that people say that are hurtful and mean spirited are, I think, often Satan's way of wreaking havoc and destruction in our hearts and lives. This is one of my favorite songs, and really, it always has been. It seems silly that it took until today for it to really sink in that God's voice is the only one that I have any business paying attention to. I encourage you to read the words and let it sink in that God loves you and speaks only truth into your life. Listen. We cannot expect to hear God if we're walking around listening to the voices around us and not giving time to listen to His as well.

"If I don't take time to listen to God, I WON'T HEAR GOD." -- Jacob Norwood

Oh,what I would do to have
the kind of faith it takes
To climb out of this boat I'm in
Onto the crashing waves
To step out of my comfort zone
Into the realm of the unknown
Where Jesus is,
And he's holding out his hand

But the waves are calling out my name
and they laugh at me
Reminding me of all the times
I've tried before and failed
The waves they keep on telling me
time and time again
"Boy, you'll never win,
You you'll never win."

But the voice of Truth tells me a different story
the voice of Truth says "Do not be afraid!"
and the Voice of truth says "This is for MY glory."
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of Truth.

Oh, what I would do
to have the kind of strength it takes
to stand before a giant
with just a sling and a stone.
Surrounded by the sound
of a thousand warriors
shaking in their armor
wishing they'd have had the strength to stand.

But the giant's calling out
my name and he laughs at me,
reminding me of all the times
I've tried before and failed.
The giant keeps on telling me
time and time again
"Boy you'll never win,
you'll never win."

But the voice of Truth tells me a different story
the voice of Truth says "Do not be afraid!"
and the Voice of truth says "This is for MY glory".
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of Truth.

But the stone was just the right size
to put the giant on the ground
and the waves they don't seem so high
from on top of them looking down.
I will soar with the wings of eagles
when I stop and listen to the sound of Jesus
singing over me

But the Voice of truth tells me a different story
The voice of Truth says "Do not be afraid!"
And the voice of Truth says "This is for my glory".
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of Truth

I will listen and believe
I will listen and believe the Voice of truth
I will listen and believe
'Cause Jesus you are the voice of Truth
And I will listen to you...Oh, you are the voice of Truth.

Relationships: Two Halves of a Whole or Two Wholes with One Heart?

Hey everyone!
I can't believe it's December. I also can't believe I went the entire month of November without posting on this blog! I usually post after I've had a really good "Jesus time". And the fact that I haven't posted worries me. But anyway. This week, the thing that's been on my mind quite a bit is relationships. Here at Baylor, I'm surrounded by wonderful guys. And lots of cute couples. And it makes me wonder if I'm going to find a guy (the guy) here or not. But aside from my own relationship queries, here's a theory that I have, that I'm going to share with you. I actually never really thought about this until I read the book "Godchicks and the Men They Love" (amazing book, by the way, you should read it!) But one of the points that the authors (a wonderful married couple) make in the book is that so often, our society views people as "incomplete" until we're in a relationship, or until we find our "other half". How messed up is that?! The Bible does not say that on the 6th day, God created half a man! He created each of us as individuals, whole and complete in Him! So why do we have this idea that we need an "other half"? I'm not sure. But this is the way I think we should view relationships: a relationship. A partnership. A relationship (marriage or a serious romantic relationship) is between two, whole, complete people. Those people don't have to be perfectly rounded, of course. There can (and should be) strengths and weaknesses that are complimented by your spouse/partner/whatever. But in all, a relationship should be a complimentary partnership between two whole people, not "two halves of a whole". So rather than looking for someone who "completes us" and makes us into a whole being, we should find our own identity in Christ and then let God bring us a person who compliments us in our wholeness.

Considering this post was written over the course of two days, it's probably a little scattered. But there it is!

Who am I? I'm a daughter of the King.

"Nothing is so common-place as the wish to be remarkable." -- William Shakespeare


Who am I? What am I all about? I am supposed to write this blog for my History 1305 class..there is no formal prompt, no official assignment. The concept? Write about yourself and your story. Who are you? Where did you come from? How did you get here? I tend to feel that telling my story would be terribly boring for others to read. I am one person, one eighteen year old girl. I haven't made a major contribution to science. I didn't find the cure for cancer. I haven't ever saved anyone from a burning building. I don't have superpowers. I've never had a near death experience (though with how clumsy I am, it seems that every staircase could be one). I've never done anything particularly remarkable. I've never even been out of the country!But do you know what IS remarkable about me? I am a daughter of Christ. According to the book of Ephesians, I was chosen by my father before I was ever born to be His. Why, is beyond my understanding. But what has that fact to do with WHO I am? Everything! Everything I am and everything I do is colored by the fact that I was created by, for, and in the image of Christ. My Father sees the value in me, even when I can't. He loves my loud laugh, talkative personality, and tendency to never hold back..even when I (or others) don't. He created me exactly the way that I am, and that, despite what I or others may think, makes me special. The talents and gifts that He has given me are things that I can use to make a difference in this world. And THAT is what's truly remarkable. I am going to make a difference in this world. Make a difference? In the WHOLE WORLD? Yes. It would be so easy for me to go about living my life with nothing more on my mind than achieving a fabulous career, a good husband, wonderful kids, and some recognition for being a "good Christian". But that's not what I've been called to do. I was called to make a difference!

Do you know how big the world is? It's huge. I wanted to post some big, impressive number to show the world population, but given its probably changed about 1700 times since I started typing, I can't. There are so many people, so many cultures, so many lives that need Jesus. How is a 17 year old girl from Texas supposed to make any sort of impact in a world that big? It worries me. Ever since I was six years old, I've known that Jesus was my Savior. I've been taught the stories, examined the theology, studied the issues and learned to express and argue my beliefs. But what do you do when you meet someone who asks if "Jesus comes down and talks" during church, or asks what a "tith" is (meaning tithe). The idea of overcoming all of the misconceptions of just that one person (an American teenager, raised by a man who grew up Methodist) is baffling enough. What about the rest of the world who hasn't ever heard the message of the Gospels? It's an overwhelming thought. Maybe, like me, you've wondered how on earth little old you is supposed to save all those people. Well, here's my two cents.

For the past 3 years, God has really been growing me and showing me the plans He has for me: I need to make an impact. When I first realized that changing lives and showing people the love of God was my passion, I was completely terrified. How was I supposed to do that? People might reject me, reject my beliefs. Their arguments against the Bible might be stronger than mine for it! Fear took over. But then I remembered that I am not a savior. I'm a farmer. Never in the Bible does it say that Christians are to go out saving people and forgiving their sins. We are told to "go and make disciples", "spread the word" and "teach and instruct". Nothing in there about saving. Sure, in an indirect way, we are. But its more like throwing a drowning man a life-jacket than singlehandedly pulling him out of the water by your own strength. All we're called to do is spread the word, plant the seeds, and let God handle the heart-changing.

Give me one pure and holy passion
Give me one magnificent obsession
Give me one glorious ambition for my life:
To KNOW and FOLLOW HARD after you.

I believe that if every Christian followed the words of the song I just quoted, that the world would be impacted in a huge way. I've heard it said that Christians who are really and fully in love with Jesus can't help but be a witness. The way we act, dress, think, and speak simply becomes our witness. People see our lives and, through that, see the love of Christ. I tend to think that if you really see God doing things in your life, you wouldn't be able to help talking about it. Maybe you're not shouting from the rooftops or blasting through a megaphone, but I know that at least for me, when God does something in my life, I want to tell someone! And BAM! Right there: an opportunity to witness. So you see? We don't have to save. All we have to do is LOVE JESUS and share his love with others. We can let God do the rest. Our mission, or rather, our charge, is not to save people. Its to plant seeds.

Comforting, isn't it? To realize that you're incapable of saving someone. It doesn't seem like realizing your own helplessness would be comforting, but in light of the awesome God we serve, it is. I am not asked to save people. I'm not capable of saving myself from my impending Spanish test, never mind saving someone else from eternal separation from God! But God is MORE than capable. So all we really need to do is LOVE GOD. Follow after Him. Learn about Him, follow in His footsteps, and allow His light to shine through our words and, often more importantly, our actions. In that way, we become living witnesses to the love and saving grace of Christ - and that's exactly what we were told to do. THAT is how we make a difference. THAT is how I'm going to make a difference.

We don't have to be saviors - we just have to be farmers. And I think even I can handle that.

Bouncing Off The Walls

Have you ever done something really silly? For example, have you ever had a panic attack about where your sunglasses were when the whole time they were perched stylishly atop your head? I have. A particularly embarrassing one has to do with a very tired Devon panicking about losing her phone. My dear boyfriend had to gently remind me that I was, indeed, talking to him. On the phone. Sadly, yes. Humans can be silly. We have two types of attention (according to my new psychology professor): "selective" and "automatic". Automatic refers to things that take little to no attention, such as riding a bike or speaking your native language. You don't really have to think too terribly hard or pay special attention to these things. Selective attention refers to things that require our purposeful, watchful attention. Sometimes, I think I spend the majority of my life in a state of automatic. I'm not really paying all that much attention to the things around me. I just run around like a chicken with my head cut off, bouncing off of walls that others can clearly see and I cannot. I'm just not paying attention. It's so much easier to just let myself move through life mindlessly! Well, that's gotta change. And God, knowing me and being Himself, decided to alter my view in a rather touching and comical way.

The past few months (well, the past year, really) I've been praying for a best friend. More than a best friend, really...an accountability partner. A life partner! Someone to do life with who can be a supporter, a friend, and a sister. Someone who will share my beliefs and push me forward in my faith. I have experienced that kind of friendship before and it is such a blessing. As I'm transitioning into my new life here at college, I've been praying that God will bring a new friend/mentor/ into my life. Here's where the lack of attention comes in. I already have one. Do you ever get the sense that while you were praying for something or about something, God was jumping up and down in front of you, waving the answer in your face? Well, in my case, God was wildly gesticulating at my mom. My mother is an amazing woman. Over the past 18 years of my life, she has been my food supply, my bed tuck-er in-er, my discipline, my comfort, my mentor, my friend. She has watched me grow, and honestly, grown along with me. She knows me better than anyone in the world and she understands me, too (which, I must say, is a feat). She loves me unconditionally, regardless of how many hissy fits I throw and how tempted she is to just smack me (or how many times she actually does smack me). She is the best example of a best friend I could possibly offer f you. So why on earth was I praying for something I ALREADY HAVE? Because I'm a silly human who too often finds herself running on automatic and forgets to pay attention.

I think God likes to teach. He's a teacher. Heck, he's THE Teacher. Tonight, he taught me two things: one, that I need to pick up my head and pay attention to the world around me a little more often, and two, that I am incredibly and wonderfully blessed.

P.S., new favorite song. "The Center" by Matthew West. Go check it.

The Journey vs. The Quest: Worlds Collide

What is a journey? What is a quest? Is there a difference between the two? These are questions that many do not pause to ponder, but that can significantly alter the feel and meaning of a story. In my opinion, there is a huge difference between the two, and it is one that should be recognized, particularly because of its relativity to modern life. I would say that a “quest” is a mission: one sets out with a specific purpose. A quest is a time of hardship and challenge that is taken on with a particular end goal in mind. Epic heroes are often portrayed as taking quests: Frodo’s quest to destroy the Ring of Power, Harry’s quest to overcome Lord Voldemort, Jack Sparrow’s quest for immortality, etc. Journeys, however, are longer lasting periods of movement. I would say that often, journeys are filled with quests. We set out on a path (a journey) often not really even knowing exactly where we’ll end up, and are molded, changed, and grown by the hardships and challenges (quests) that we encounter. Essentially, life often becomes a journey full of quests. Without those quests, life can become nothing more than a meaningless trip through time.

This is an interesting concept, especially to those of us who call ourselves Christians. In our fast-paced, modernized society, we often tend to see life as a series of quests, rather than as a journey. We lose sight of the big picture and focus primarily on our goals. Set a goal, achieve it, set a new one. We are so very success oriented that we forget to surrender control to our Heavenly Father. In this sense, we must be careful that we do not become too wrapped up in our worldly quests for good grades, a steady job, and the “ideal mate”. Rather than realizing that our lives are essentially given to us through the grace of our Father and allowing Him to guide us and shape us through the journey He has planned for us (“’For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord,”) we focus on ourselves and our “life plans”. We, as Christians, must remember that our own human, worldly goals are not the “big picture”. Why, though? What is wrong with having goals and focusing on them? Nothing, of course. But the problem is this: we have been given a greater goal, a higher calling, a more important quest. Matthew 28:19-20 is one of the most commonly quoted and memorized verses of the Bible, near and dear to all who call themselves followers of Christ. It says, “Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in^a]">[a] the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, ²⁰and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you…” This verse is often referred to as “the great commission”. This passage gives purpose to Christians. It gives us a task, a quest, which we are to take up while journeying through life. This passage gives us a way to live life aside from the modern process of repetitive, mechanical goal-conquering. Though we will have human, worldly goals to achieve and quests to undertake, this passage gives us an eternal quest, one that should become our primary focus. In this sense, it almost seems that the two worlds of a Christian collide: our eternal, spiritual quest often battles with our physical, human quests for the place of importance in our lives. As Christians, though, we are called to find the balance and to focus on the task set before us by our Father. A good summary of this view is given in the benediction my pastor offers every Sunday, “Consider your very lives worth nothing if only you may finish the race and complete the task the Lord has given to you: the task of testifying to the gospel of God’s grace.”

One example of a man in literature who seemed to have mastered this art of focusing on his eternal quest rather than his worldly ones is the Paul of the New Testament. In fact, the part of scripture that my pastor’s benediction is taken from is a letter from Paul to a church he had previously witnessed to. Paul, a man who was once a persecutor of Christians, had his life radically changed by God and began a new quest - the quest that was later given to all Christians in the book of Matthew – sharing the gospel with the nations of the world. Paul’s journey through life was a difficult one; he was faced with hardship after hardship, quest after quest. He was cast out from numerous cities, put in jail, and stoned almost to death. Regardless, Paul kept his focus on his eternal goal of sharing the gospel. He allowed God to take him through worldly hardships and “quests”, and many times even thanked God for the hardships he encountered on his journey, saying that they furthered him in his eternal goal. Paul was able to journey through life while keeping his eternal goal or quest in mind.

So how do we balance this concept of journey versus quest? We realize that there is a difference between the world that we live in and the world that we are of. Our journey is of this world; like Paul, we move through human lives and experience human hardships and successes that change and mold and teach us. Our quest, however, is of a more eternal type. We are given the task of witnessing to the everlasting truth that has been revealed to us and of keeping our focus on the world we were made for, rather than the world we were made in.