LOVE

Hey, everyone!

Well, it's February. Things have been a little nuts down here in the 254. In addition to *finally* being released from my on campus living contract (signing the lease on an apartment next week!) I've gotten into contact with my biological father and sisters for the first time in my life. So that's been a bit of an emotional upheaval. But what's really on my mind to actually write about today is love. Not romantic or friendly love, but GOD'S love. For me. For you. For all of us. Now, this post is mainly directed at women. But it's true for men, too. If you want the man's side of it, read "Wild at Heart" by John Eldredge. I've been reading this book by John and Stasi Eldredge called "Captivating". Now, there are some things in it that make me a bit uncomfortable or make me wonder where they base their theology. BUT. The main point that I took from the book is that as a woman, a beautiful, gem of God's creation, I AM LOVED. In our society, women always sort of carry this weight, this feeling that we aren't good enough. We constantly ask the question, "Am I worthy? Am I lovable? Am I good enough?" We feel aren't enough, yet (emotionally) we're "too much" for men to handle. No one wants to "deal with" us. Men always wish women could be "simpler" or "more like a man". We run to other things (hobbies, people, men) trying to get that question answered. We want to hear that we're beautiful and special. But when someone tells us no (we fail, get rejected, feel unloved) we steel up and move on to something that WILL tell us we're worthy. Maybe this is how we end up with so many sexually and emotionally promiscuous (and later bruised and battered) women?

Growing up, I loved dresses and barbies and such. But I always felt that to be respected and for boys to like me, I had to be that "cool" chick that played guitar and wore transformers t-shirts and converse. I have always loved the color pink, but until now, I was terrified to admit it. I didn't want to be seen as a "girly girl" because, for some reason, in our society, femininity is looked down upon and seen as weakness or silliness. I love frilly things, pink things, shiny things. Perfume and makeup and high heels and love stories and chocolate and good conversation. I like having my hair played with and being complimented and lighting candles and painting my nails. I have a ridiculously blinged-up phone cover, just because it makes me smile (now, this doesn't mean I don't also love action movies, fast cars, and steak. I so do. The vast majority of my friends are guys, and I know how to be "one of the guys".) But living in a male-dominated world, we women feel..stifled. Squished. We've got to put on our big girl panties, tuck the dresses and tears away, and be "strong" to compete with the men. Not that every woman loves pink and Chanel. But we do share one thing: we don't feel good enough. Loved. Treasured. We feel inadequate. Misunderstood. Overwhelming. Silly. Whether you're like me, a girly girl with a closet dare devil in her, or like my good friend Jessica who would never in a million years voluntarily wear pink or sparkles, we're all women. It's a rough thing to come to terms with. But here's something to chew on: man was made in the image of God. In a good man, we can see a glimpse of God's strength, protective, fatherly love, fierce devotion, determination, maybe even justice. But guess what. Man was made in the image of God..and so was woman. In women is God's tender love. His unconditional, terrifying devotion to his loved ones. His romantic side. His love for beauty. His love of relationship and deep conversation and peace. Also, some of his wrath. "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned" right? We aren't weak. We are warriors, too. If these are things that are attributes of God, portrayed in women, why does our society beat them down so? It breaks my heart.

One thing that God's really been showing me lately is his overwhelming love for me. I was going to continue my study through Romans the other night when I felt the still, small voice of my father prompting me to go to the Psalms and just stay there. Dwell there. Rest and soak in the love and beautiful poetry written there. These past few weeks have all been about my finally picking up my head and hearing, "I love you, precious one." You know that in the Bible, God is not only talked about as loving us as a father loves his children, but as a husband loves his wife? He is JEALOUS for us. He doesn't want our hearts going to anyone else. He wants all of us, all the time, just like a jealous, protective husband. Not only does God want to love us, he's the only one who really can love us PERFECTLY. You know yourself. You know what you need when you're upset. You know if you're a talker, a cuddler, a grudge holder, or an "I need time alone" kind of person. You know what makes you smile the most and what you find most beautiful. And the only other person that deeply, truly knows all those things about you is the one person who created those characteristics in you. Our father is the only one who can love us unconditionally and PERFECTLY. Don't believe me? Go read Hosea chapter 2. Look at the amazing, tender love the father has for us. He blocks us in and tears us up until we let go of our idols and earthly "lovers" (places we run to try to find comfort and affirmation) and realize that there is no one but Him to love and comfort us. And as soon as we realize it..man. He lavishes us in love like we've never known. He wants to "betroth [us] in love and compassion". Such a foreign combination of fatherly devotion and romantic passion, but so beautiful in the eyes of our Father.


This is a weird, deep, sort of controversial post. But I wanted to share it with those women who like me, sometimes wonder, "Am I really good enough?" The answer is yes. You are.

The Voice of Truth

Hey, everyone!

It's finals week! Hence, I don't have a whole lot of spare thought for eloquent writing. But the main thing that's been on my mind today is the concept of Satan being a huge, jerk, liar, and God's voice being the only real truth! Also, I've been chewing on the importance of actually setting aside time to LISTEN for God's voice. The things that others say about us (or to us) aren't necessarily truth. Things that people say that are hurtful and mean spirited are, I think, often Satan's way of wreaking havoc and destruction in our hearts and lives. This is one of my favorite songs, and really, it always has been. It seems silly that it took until today for it to really sink in that God's voice is the only one that I have any business paying attention to. I encourage you to read the words and let it sink in that God loves you and speaks only truth into your life. Listen. We cannot expect to hear God if we're walking around listening to the voices around us and not giving time to listen to His as well.

"If I don't take time to listen to God, I WON'T HEAR GOD." -- Jacob Norwood

Oh,what I would do to have
the kind of faith it takes
To climb out of this boat I'm in
Onto the crashing waves
To step out of my comfort zone
Into the realm of the unknown
Where Jesus is,
And he's holding out his hand

But the waves are calling out my name
and they laugh at me
Reminding me of all the times
I've tried before and failed
The waves they keep on telling me
time and time again
"Boy, you'll never win,
You you'll never win."

But the voice of Truth tells me a different story
the voice of Truth says "Do not be afraid!"
and the Voice of truth says "This is for MY glory."
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of Truth.

Oh, what I would do
to have the kind of strength it takes
to stand before a giant
with just a sling and a stone.
Surrounded by the sound
of a thousand warriors
shaking in their armor
wishing they'd have had the strength to stand.

But the giant's calling out
my name and he laughs at me,
reminding me of all the times
I've tried before and failed.
The giant keeps on telling me
time and time again
"Boy you'll never win,
you'll never win."

But the voice of Truth tells me a different story
the voice of Truth says "Do not be afraid!"
and the Voice of truth says "This is for MY glory".
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of Truth.

But the stone was just the right size
to put the giant on the ground
and the waves they don't seem so high
from on top of them looking down.
I will soar with the wings of eagles
when I stop and listen to the sound of Jesus
singing over me

But the Voice of truth tells me a different story
The voice of Truth says "Do not be afraid!"
And the voice of Truth says "This is for my glory".
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of Truth

I will listen and believe
I will listen and believe the Voice of truth
I will listen and believe
'Cause Jesus you are the voice of Truth
And I will listen to you...Oh, you are the voice of Truth.

Relationships: Two Halves of a Whole or Two Wholes with One Heart?

Hey everyone!
I can't believe it's December. I also can't believe I went the entire month of November without posting on this blog! I usually post after I've had a really good "Jesus time". And the fact that I haven't posted worries me. But anyway. This week, the thing that's been on my mind quite a bit is relationships. Here at Baylor, I'm surrounded by wonderful guys. And lots of cute couples. And it makes me wonder if I'm going to find a guy (the guy) here or not. But aside from my own relationship queries, here's a theory that I have, that I'm going to share with you. I actually never really thought about this until I read the book "Godchicks and the Men They Love" (amazing book, by the way, you should read it!) But one of the points that the authors (a wonderful married couple) make in the book is that so often, our society views people as "incomplete" until we're in a relationship, or until we find our "other half". How messed up is that?! The Bible does not say that on the 6th day, God created half a man! He created each of us as individuals, whole and complete in Him! So why do we have this idea that we need an "other half"? I'm not sure. But this is the way I think we should view relationships: a relationship. A partnership. A relationship (marriage or a serious romantic relationship) is between two, whole, complete people. Those people don't have to be perfectly rounded, of course. There can (and should be) strengths and weaknesses that are complimented by your spouse/partner/whatever. But in all, a relationship should be a complimentary partnership between two whole people, not "two halves of a whole". So rather than looking for someone who "completes us" and makes us into a whole being, we should find our own identity in Christ and then let God bring us a person who compliments us in our wholeness.

Considering this post was written over the course of two days, it's probably a little scattered. But there it is!

Who am I? I'm a daughter of the King.

"Nothing is so common-place as the wish to be remarkable." -- William Shakespeare


Who am I? What am I all about? I am supposed to write this blog for my History 1305 class..there is no formal prompt, no official assignment. The concept? Write about yourself and your story. Who are you? Where did you come from? How did you get here? I tend to feel that telling my story would be terribly boring for others to read. I am one person, one eighteen year old girl. I haven't made a major contribution to science. I didn't find the cure for cancer. I haven't ever saved anyone from a burning building. I don't have superpowers. I've never had a near death experience (though with how clumsy I am, it seems that every staircase could be one). I've never done anything particularly remarkable. I've never even been out of the country!But do you know what IS remarkable about me? I am a daughter of Christ. According to the book of Ephesians, I was chosen by my father before I was ever born to be His. Why, is beyond my understanding. But what has that fact to do with WHO I am? Everything! Everything I am and everything I do is colored by the fact that I was created by, for, and in the image of Christ. My Father sees the value in me, even when I can't. He loves my loud laugh, talkative personality, and tendency to never hold back..even when I (or others) don't. He created me exactly the way that I am, and that, despite what I or others may think, makes me special. The talents and gifts that He has given me are things that I can use to make a difference in this world. And THAT is what's truly remarkable. I am going to make a difference in this world. Make a difference? In the WHOLE WORLD? Yes. It would be so easy for me to go about living my life with nothing more on my mind than achieving a fabulous career, a good husband, wonderful kids, and some recognition for being a "good Christian". But that's not what I've been called to do. I was called to make a difference!

Do you know how big the world is? It's huge. I wanted to post some big, impressive number to show the world population, but given its probably changed about 1700 times since I started typing, I can't. There are so many people, so many cultures, so many lives that need Jesus. How is a 17 year old girl from Texas supposed to make any sort of impact in a world that big? It worries me. Ever since I was six years old, I've known that Jesus was my Savior. I've been taught the stories, examined the theology, studied the issues and learned to express and argue my beliefs. But what do you do when you meet someone who asks if "Jesus comes down and talks" during church, or asks what a "tith" is (meaning tithe). The idea of overcoming all of the misconceptions of just that one person (an American teenager, raised by a man who grew up Methodist) is baffling enough. What about the rest of the world who hasn't ever heard the message of the Gospels? It's an overwhelming thought. Maybe, like me, you've wondered how on earth little old you is supposed to save all those people. Well, here's my two cents.

For the past 3 years, God has really been growing me and showing me the plans He has for me: I need to make an impact. When I first realized that changing lives and showing people the love of God was my passion, I was completely terrified. How was I supposed to do that? People might reject me, reject my beliefs. Their arguments against the Bible might be stronger than mine for it! Fear took over. But then I remembered that I am not a savior. I'm a farmer. Never in the Bible does it say that Christians are to go out saving people and forgiving their sins. We are told to "go and make disciples", "spread the word" and "teach and instruct". Nothing in there about saving. Sure, in an indirect way, we are. But its more like throwing a drowning man a life-jacket than singlehandedly pulling him out of the water by your own strength. All we're called to do is spread the word, plant the seeds, and let God handle the heart-changing.

Give me one pure and holy passion
Give me one magnificent obsession
Give me one glorious ambition for my life:
To KNOW and FOLLOW HARD after you.

I believe that if every Christian followed the words of the song I just quoted, that the world would be impacted in a huge way. I've heard it said that Christians who are really and fully in love with Jesus can't help but be a witness. The way we act, dress, think, and speak simply becomes our witness. People see our lives and, through that, see the love of Christ. I tend to think that if you really see God doing things in your life, you wouldn't be able to help talking about it. Maybe you're not shouting from the rooftops or blasting through a megaphone, but I know that at least for me, when God does something in my life, I want to tell someone! And BAM! Right there: an opportunity to witness. So you see? We don't have to save. All we have to do is LOVE JESUS and share his love with others. We can let God do the rest. Our mission, or rather, our charge, is not to save people. Its to plant seeds.

Comforting, isn't it? To realize that you're incapable of saving someone. It doesn't seem like realizing your own helplessness would be comforting, but in light of the awesome God we serve, it is. I am not asked to save people. I'm not capable of saving myself from my impending Spanish test, never mind saving someone else from eternal separation from God! But God is MORE than capable. So all we really need to do is LOVE GOD. Follow after Him. Learn about Him, follow in His footsteps, and allow His light to shine through our words and, often more importantly, our actions. In that way, we become living witnesses to the love and saving grace of Christ - and that's exactly what we were told to do. THAT is how we make a difference. THAT is how I'm going to make a difference.

We don't have to be saviors - we just have to be farmers. And I think even I can handle that.

Bouncing Off The Walls

Have you ever done something really silly? For example, have you ever had a panic attack about where your sunglasses were when the whole time they were perched stylishly atop your head? I have. A particularly embarrassing one has to do with a very tired Devon panicking about losing her phone. My dear boyfriend had to gently remind me that I was, indeed, talking to him. On the phone. Sadly, yes. Humans can be silly. We have two types of attention (according to my new psychology professor): "selective" and "automatic". Automatic refers to things that take little to no attention, such as riding a bike or speaking your native language. You don't really have to think too terribly hard or pay special attention to these things. Selective attention refers to things that require our purposeful, watchful attention. Sometimes, I think I spend the majority of my life in a state of automatic. I'm not really paying all that much attention to the things around me. I just run around like a chicken with my head cut off, bouncing off of walls that others can clearly see and I cannot. I'm just not paying attention. It's so much easier to just let myself move through life mindlessly! Well, that's gotta change. And God, knowing me and being Himself, decided to alter my view in a rather touching and comical way.

The past few months (well, the past year, really) I've been praying for a best friend. More than a best friend, really...an accountability partner. A life partner! Someone to do life with who can be a supporter, a friend, and a sister. Someone who will share my beliefs and push me forward in my faith. I have experienced that kind of friendship before and it is such a blessing. As I'm transitioning into my new life here at college, I've been praying that God will bring a new friend/mentor/ into my life. Here's where the lack of attention comes in. I already have one. Do you ever get the sense that while you were praying for something or about something, God was jumping up and down in front of you, waving the answer in your face? Well, in my case, God was wildly gesticulating at my mom. My mother is an amazing woman. Over the past 18 years of my life, she has been my food supply, my bed tuck-er in-er, my discipline, my comfort, my mentor, my friend. She has watched me grow, and honestly, grown along with me. She knows me better than anyone in the world and she understands me, too (which, I must say, is a feat). She loves me unconditionally, regardless of how many hissy fits I throw and how tempted she is to just smack me (or how many times she actually does smack me). She is the best example of a best friend I could possibly offer f you. So why on earth was I praying for something I ALREADY HAVE? Because I'm a silly human who too often finds herself running on automatic and forgets to pay attention.

I think God likes to teach. He's a teacher. Heck, he's THE Teacher. Tonight, he taught me two things: one, that I need to pick up my head and pay attention to the world around me a little more often, and two, that I am incredibly and wonderfully blessed.

P.S., new favorite song. "The Center" by Matthew West. Go check it.

The Journey vs. The Quest: Worlds Collide

What is a journey? What is a quest? Is there a difference between the two? These are questions that many do not pause to ponder, but that can significantly alter the feel and meaning of a story. In my opinion, there is a huge difference between the two, and it is one that should be recognized, particularly because of its relativity to modern life. I would say that a “quest” is a mission: one sets out with a specific purpose. A quest is a time of hardship and challenge that is taken on with a particular end goal in mind. Epic heroes are often portrayed as taking quests: Frodo’s quest to destroy the Ring of Power, Harry’s quest to overcome Lord Voldemort, Jack Sparrow’s quest for immortality, etc. Journeys, however, are longer lasting periods of movement. I would say that often, journeys are filled with quests. We set out on a path (a journey) often not really even knowing exactly where we’ll end up, and are molded, changed, and grown by the hardships and challenges (quests) that we encounter. Essentially, life often becomes a journey full of quests. Without those quests, life can become nothing more than a meaningless trip through time.

This is an interesting concept, especially to those of us who call ourselves Christians. In our fast-paced, modernized society, we often tend to see life as a series of quests, rather than as a journey. We lose sight of the big picture and focus primarily on our goals. Set a goal, achieve it, set a new one. We are so very success oriented that we forget to surrender control to our Heavenly Father. In this sense, we must be careful that we do not become too wrapped up in our worldly quests for good grades, a steady job, and the “ideal mate”. Rather than realizing that our lives are essentially given to us through the grace of our Father and allowing Him to guide us and shape us through the journey He has planned for us (“’For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord,”) we focus on ourselves and our “life plans”. We, as Christians, must remember that our own human, worldly goals are not the “big picture”. Why, though? What is wrong with having goals and focusing on them? Nothing, of course. But the problem is this: we have been given a greater goal, a higher calling, a more important quest. Matthew 28:19-20 is one of the most commonly quoted and memorized verses of the Bible, near and dear to all who call themselves followers of Christ. It says, “Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in^a]">[a] the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, ²⁰and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you…” This verse is often referred to as “the great commission”. This passage gives purpose to Christians. It gives us a task, a quest, which we are to take up while journeying through life. This passage gives us a way to live life aside from the modern process of repetitive, mechanical goal-conquering. Though we will have human, worldly goals to achieve and quests to undertake, this passage gives us an eternal quest, one that should become our primary focus. In this sense, it almost seems that the two worlds of a Christian collide: our eternal, spiritual quest often battles with our physical, human quests for the place of importance in our lives. As Christians, though, we are called to find the balance and to focus on the task set before us by our Father. A good summary of this view is given in the benediction my pastor offers every Sunday, “Consider your very lives worth nothing if only you may finish the race and complete the task the Lord has given to you: the task of testifying to the gospel of God’s grace.”

One example of a man in literature who seemed to have mastered this art of focusing on his eternal quest rather than his worldly ones is the Paul of the New Testament. In fact, the part of scripture that my pastor’s benediction is taken from is a letter from Paul to a church he had previously witnessed to. Paul, a man who was once a persecutor of Christians, had his life radically changed by God and began a new quest - the quest that was later given to all Christians in the book of Matthew – sharing the gospel with the nations of the world. Paul’s journey through life was a difficult one; he was faced with hardship after hardship, quest after quest. He was cast out from numerous cities, put in jail, and stoned almost to death. Regardless, Paul kept his focus on his eternal goal of sharing the gospel. He allowed God to take him through worldly hardships and “quests”, and many times even thanked God for the hardships he encountered on his journey, saying that they furthered him in his eternal goal. Paul was able to journey through life while keeping his eternal goal or quest in mind.

So how do we balance this concept of journey versus quest? We realize that there is a difference between the world that we live in and the world that we are of. Our journey is of this world; like Paul, we move through human lives and experience human hardships and successes that change and mold and teach us. Our quest, however, is of a more eternal type. We are given the task of witnessing to the everlasting truth that has been revealed to us and of keeping our focus on the world we were made for, rather than the world we were made in.

Humility

Humility is an interesting thing, isn't it? According to the ever-useful www.dictionary.com, the synonyms for "humility" are "lowliness, meekness, submissiveness", and the one listed antonym is...you guessed it, "pride". Humility - the act of being humble. Realizing our own lowliness, being submissive to others, remembering that the universe does not revolve around whether or not we get our way. My BU1000 group discussed the topic of humility this week and I had a thought that I, of course, being the thinker, found interesting. Get this. God gave us the challenge to humble ourselves countless times throughout the Bible. One of my favorite verses, in fact, is 1 Peter 5:6-7, "Humble yourself under the mighty hand of God that He may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you." Now, God knows everything, right? And God knows that we are not perfect. He made us as imperfect people! So he knows we're going to fail at being perfectly humble. In my opinion, aside from that one exceptional man who lived 2000 years ago, perfect humility is impossible; even in thinking you've finally got it, you've messed it up. So why would God assign us this impossible task? Well, I don't know. To bring glory to himself and his perfection? Probably. But here's what's cool. God didn't just hand us this massive task and say, "Here, now, get to it. As far as you know, no one's mastered it over the past 2000 years so you might want to get crackalackin.'' No! God gave us help! And you know what the help was? The command. He gave us the command to be humble, knowing all along that we would fail. In failing, however, and realizing we've got to ask forgiveness and start over, we come at least a little closer to perfect humility. Will anyone ever get it? No. But we at least become closer to the people God wants us to be and even develop an appreciation for the perfection of Jesus! Isn't that crazy?! God worked it all out for us. Just because He's God and that's what He does, he gave us a huge task, watched our jaws drop and faces pale, and then winked and threw us the floaty-rafty-thing you use to save drowning people.

You know, I think that can really be applied to anything. Any situation, any problem, any command. God never gives us something we can't handle, and he never gives us something to handle that has no purpose. College, stress, emotional upheaval--these things all have purpose and also help available.

Good news, man. Good news.