Surrender

Hey, guys!

It's been so long since I've posted. I've been insanely busy, but also spiritually somewhat dry. I'd love to tell you all about what God has been doing in my life, but honestly, I haven't been giving him the time to do it, lately. I know that God has the power to do anything he likes, with or without my consent. But will he? That's what my post is about today. So many times in my life, I feel overwhelmed. Out of control. Anxious, fearful, stress-ridden, lost. All I want is for someone else to step in and run my life for me so I don't have to worry about it anymore. Have you ever felt that way? I'll bet that most of us have. In fact, lately, I've been feeling that way more often than not. What my heart really wants is for God to break down my walls and barriers, tear apart my life, and TAKE control away from me so that I don't have to fight to hold onto it anymore. I don't want to worry about RELEASING the areas of my life I know I'm keeping sequestered from my Father, I just want him to grab them from me. But is that really the way God works? From what I've learned about my Father, he is loving. Patient. Kind. Protective. He WANTS control of our lives even more than I want him to have it. So why doesn't he just take it? I think the reason that God often sits back and lets us wrestle with our problems is somewhat similar to the reason we have free will. If we were forced to obey God's commandments, our lives wouldn't reflect a love for him. We wouldn't be loving, devoted children - we'd be slaves (and the Bible specifically says we're NOT slaves, but that we're free in Christ!). God allows us to make decisions because he loves us, and he wants us to choose HIM. When we don't, it breaks his heart. But he waits, ever so patiently, and lets us discover how much we need him on our own. That way, when we do finally realize how wonderful life could be if we chose God's way, we are filled with awe and love and wonder at his Grace! The same can be said for releasing control of our lives to God. God doesn't want to just take control away from us. He wants us to love him and TRUST him enough to let it go voluntarily. I'll be the first to say that this is difficult. My anxiety and OCD make it hard for me to relinquish control of ANYTHING, never mind my life and my future. It would be so much easier if God would just wrench control away from me! But I think that, more often than not, he would rather just wait for us to realize how much we need him and how much better his plans are than ours. That way, when we finally do surrender, we can be filled with love for our father and awe at his mercy and grace. In Matthew, Jesus compares himself to a mother hen, who wants nothing more than to gather her chicks under her wings. But do you know what the most amazing part is? Jesus isn't exactly like a mother hen. You know those women people describe as mother hens? A little dominant, impatient, but very loving and task oriented and protective? That would be me. Mother hens (real or human) don't wait around for their chicks to come snuggle under their wings. They run around like wild, scooping them up and shoving them under without hesitating or asking for permission. Sometimes, Jesus does this in our lives. Sometimes, he bursts in and scoops us up before we even realize what's going on. But the way Jesus describes himself in this passage in Matthew is as a mother hen who LONGS to gather her chicks, but doesn't because THEY AREN'T WILLING. Woah. This God who is all powerful, all knowing, all mighty, and all loving, WAITS for us to be willing. That tells me that not only does God have crazy, radical love for us - he wants us to have crazy, radical, trusting love for him in return. Surrendering control of our lives to Him shows that we trust (or are at least willing to trust) in His plans for us. He waits for us with open arms until we are ready to surrender to him. What a patient, forgiving father.

And They Will Know us by HIS Love

Love your neighbor. Love your enemies. Love others more than yourself. Love each other.

Over and over in the Bible we are given the command to "love". When you ask any random person on the street what loving their neighbor means to them, you'll get a whole slew of answers. "Loving my neighbor means putting them first." "Loving my neighbor means doing nice things like opening the door for them and saying 'thanks'." "Loving my neighbor means not being a jerk to them, even when I'm having a bad day." "Loving my neighbor means sharing the gospel with them." "Loving my neighbor means taking care of them before myself." Kindness, goodness, gentleness, even things like sacrifice and the "I Am Second" slogan. These are all things we associate with "loving" others. And really, they're all right. But don't you think there could be something more? Surely, if "love" was one of the two GREATEST commandments, the one Jesus emphasized the most, there's more to it than just "being nice"? The book of John says that Christians will be known by their love. But lots of people can love. Hindus may be some of the nicest people you'll ever meet, out of their belief in respect for all life and in karma. But they aren't Christians. What sets us apart in our love?

Maybe its that our love is more complicated. Love is not a noun. It is not a thing. Its a verb. Love is taking action. So how do we do that? Is "being nice" really enough? It seems to me that being nice doesn't require anything of us. Maybe when you're having a rough day, being nice requires a little extra patience. Maybe it takes an ounce of effort to hitch up that smile even when you feel you'd rather the world just go away. But does it really take something from us? From our hearts? We are called to love sacrificially. Love should cost us something! That's the beauty of love. Practically speaking, I tend to think that "love" is different from person to person. Everyone has heard of the "love languages" concept - the idea that each person has a different way of giving and receiving "love". The concept is generally applied within the context of marriage: learn to speak your spouse's love language and be a more loving partner. But what if we applied that to friendships? Family? Strangers? It would take a lot more than just an ounce of effort, wouldn't it? Learning how to best love someone takes time, effort, and sacrifice. But isn't that what Jesus did? He interacted with people based on their needs, not his own. The Samaritan woman Jesus encounters at the well at the beginning of his ministry is a good picture of this. This woman was destitute, and outcast among outcasts. She had 5 husbands, and the people of her city looked down upon her and rejected her. She probably could have used money, new clothes, some advice, and a hug. But what Jesus saw in her heart that she probably needed more than anything was acceptance. Jesus loved her in the most effective way by telling her he knew all the awful things she'd ever done and then offering her his "living water" anyway. Money, clothes, advice, a hug - yeah, she could have used those things. But what her heart and soul really needed that day was acceptance. And Jesus loved her enough to see that in her and to offer it to her. Take my best friend, Sarah. I know that one thing that means the world to her is to have someone LISTEN. I have always been more of the talker in our friendship, and she is usually very content to just listen and chime in. But one thing that I have had to learn about effectively loving Sarah is that the one thing that makes her feel extremely loved and important is for someone to take the time to listen to her, rather than forcing her to be the listener. Don't misunderstand - Sarah is a great listener. She loves listening and giving counsel. But sometimes, she just needs someone to listen to HER. And that is one way that I can show her love. It would take a lot more effort and sacrifice on our part to truly love people this way, wouldn't it? Sure, we can't get to know everyone we see on this deep, personal level. Opening doors and "being nice" are good ways of showing love to those we encounter but never really "know". But think about the people you surround yourself with. What ways are there that you can communicate love to them?

Seems impossible, doesn't it? Definitely. We, as Christians, are called to love people in a supernatural way. We love people (or we're supposed to love people) regardless of all circumstances, unconditionally. As a human, a woman, a college student who often runs low on sleep, and a person who knows just how irritable she can be, I honestly don't believe it's possible for us to love others perfectly all the time. Not on our own, at least. That's the beauty of God's love for us. As we love God, he fills us with compassion for others even when we feel we physically can't love any more or that we're just at the end of the line: out of love, out of patience, out of compassion. Maybe that's why the two commandments go together: Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength, and love your neighbor as yourself. Love the Lord your God and then, once you've done that, you'll be ABLE to love your neighbor as yourself. His perfect love fills the gaps in our broken, imperfect, human love. His love for others shining through us is what sets us apart. They will know us by HIS love, showing up in our lives.

Technology

Hello, all!

I realize it's been a while since I last posted, but life has been crazy lately. There is something swirling around in my head that I thought I should jot down, though. Today in chapel (about 10 minutes ago, actually) the speaker addressed the concept of technology and its effect on us as people and as Christians. The two points technology makes, he said, are that it offers efficiency and minimizes the importance of location. Basically, his point was this: technology offers to make us more efficient. Commercials talk about how having X product will increase your productivity and allow you to multiply yourself and accomplish more. In reality, that's not possible. There is no way to multiply my efficiency and my concentration; rather, multitasking with technology just divides my attention and reduces how much I'm actually learning and retaining, even if I am getting more "done". Also, technology removes us from ourselves and makes it so that we are not "restricted by something as trivial as location" (quoted from a commercial shown). In the commercial, a little boy is shown watching his favorite TV character (a penguin) in his kitchen, then in the car, then on a handheld device in his stroller in the mall. The next scene shows the little boy actually meeting the character in person at the mall, with no mediation, and the little boy panics and can't handle it. The mom then puts the boy back in the stroller, gives him his handheld version of the show, and he's happy. What does this say about our society? It shows us just how restricting technology is! We lose our ability to connect to people face to face! How can we solve problems over text or through email when we can't see the other person? Can't actively listen and feel what they feel? Can't express true emotion or clarify? How can we solve problems or communicate effectively when the key ingredients of good communication are lost?

We all know how it feels to be upset. Sometimes we are angry, frustrated, depressed - and we just want to be alone. But sometimes, possibly even more heartbreaking, is to feel alone, down, distraught, helpless, empty, and to have that feeling of, "I just don't want to be alone right now." Sometimes we just need someone to BE there. To be PRESENT and exist right there, right then, by our side. We may not be at a point where we need them to say anything, really, we just need to have someone PRESENT. How can sending a "heard bout ur mom, hope u feel bettr" text really comfort anyone? How can an apology truly be given in an email? Maybe this is why God gave us bodies. As the speaker said, God didn't just create millions of floating, spiritual beings. He created spiritual beings with physical constraints. We cannot be in more than one place at one time, and that is a good thing. Sometimes we NEED to slow down, put down our cell phones, and just be present! From a Christian perspective, this is even more crucial. The "efficiency" technology supposedly offers us counteracts the basic, most fundamental aspects of Christianity. Love. Faith. Peace. Joy. Suffering. Selflessness. How can any of these things be efficient? How can we truly love others or be joyful or suffer in an efficient way? How can we be efficiently selfless? We can't! These are values that cannot be constricted and compartmentalized to fit our schedules. How beautiful is it when you sit down and just have a long, real conversation, face to face, with a good friend? When you can see their eyes, watch their reactions. You can lean in and listen when they speak, and hug their neck or slap their arm in reaction to their words. How can we do that with emoticons and the little *hits arm* things? There is no form of communication that can compare to physical presence and face-to-face, real love and time.

I realize that we can't always be right next to someone all the time. Technology can facilitate communication! (Lord knows I can't live without my smart phone). But maybe we should look at how we wield our technology and really pay attention to how it shapes us as people and as followers of Jesus.

LOVE

Hey, everyone!

Well, it's February. Things have been a little nuts down here in the 254. In addition to *finally* being released from my on campus living contract (signing the lease on an apartment next week!) I've gotten into contact with my biological father and sisters for the first time in my life. So that's been a bit of an emotional upheaval. But what's really on my mind to actually write about today is love. Not romantic or friendly love, but GOD'S love. For me. For you. For all of us. Now, this post is mainly directed at women. But it's true for men, too. If you want the man's side of it, read "Wild at Heart" by John Eldredge. I've been reading this book by John and Stasi Eldredge called "Captivating". Now, there are some things in it that make me a bit uncomfortable or make me wonder where they base their theology. BUT. The main point that I took from the book is that as a woman, a beautiful, gem of God's creation, I AM LOVED. In our society, women always sort of carry this weight, this feeling that we aren't good enough. We constantly ask the question, "Am I worthy? Am I lovable? Am I good enough?" We feel aren't enough, yet (emotionally) we're "too much" for men to handle. No one wants to "deal with" us. Men always wish women could be "simpler" or "more like a man". We run to other things (hobbies, people, men) trying to get that question answered. We want to hear that we're beautiful and special. But when someone tells us no (we fail, get rejected, feel unloved) we steel up and move on to something that WILL tell us we're worthy. Maybe this is how we end up with so many sexually and emotionally promiscuous (and later bruised and battered) women?

Growing up, I loved dresses and barbies and such. But I always felt that to be respected and for boys to like me, I had to be that "cool" chick that played guitar and wore transformers t-shirts and converse. I have always loved the color pink, but until now, I was terrified to admit it. I didn't want to be seen as a "girly girl" because, for some reason, in our society, femininity is looked down upon and seen as weakness or silliness. I love frilly things, pink things, shiny things. Perfume and makeup and high heels and love stories and chocolate and good conversation. I like having my hair played with and being complimented and lighting candles and painting my nails. I have a ridiculously blinged-up phone cover, just because it makes me smile (now, this doesn't mean I don't also love action movies, fast cars, and steak. I so do. The vast majority of my friends are guys, and I know how to be "one of the guys".) But living in a male-dominated world, we women feel..stifled. Squished. We've got to put on our big girl panties, tuck the dresses and tears away, and be "strong" to compete with the men. Not that every woman loves pink and Chanel. But we do share one thing: we don't feel good enough. Loved. Treasured. We feel inadequate. Misunderstood. Overwhelming. Silly. Whether you're like me, a girly girl with a closet dare devil in her, or like my good friend Jessica who would never in a million years voluntarily wear pink or sparkles, we're all women. It's a rough thing to come to terms with. But here's something to chew on: man was made in the image of God. In a good man, we can see a glimpse of God's strength, protective, fatherly love, fierce devotion, determination, maybe even justice. But guess what. Man was made in the image of God..and so was woman. In women is God's tender love. His unconditional, terrifying devotion to his loved ones. His romantic side. His love for beauty. His love of relationship and deep conversation and peace. Also, some of his wrath. "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned" right? We aren't weak. We are warriors, too. If these are things that are attributes of God, portrayed in women, why does our society beat them down so? It breaks my heart.

One thing that God's really been showing me lately is his overwhelming love for me. I was going to continue my study through Romans the other night when I felt the still, small voice of my father prompting me to go to the Psalms and just stay there. Dwell there. Rest and soak in the love and beautiful poetry written there. These past few weeks have all been about my finally picking up my head and hearing, "I love you, precious one." You know that in the Bible, God is not only talked about as loving us as a father loves his children, but as a husband loves his wife? He is JEALOUS for us. He doesn't want our hearts going to anyone else. He wants all of us, all the time, just like a jealous, protective husband. Not only does God want to love us, he's the only one who really can love us PERFECTLY. You know yourself. You know what you need when you're upset. You know if you're a talker, a cuddler, a grudge holder, or an "I need time alone" kind of person. You know what makes you smile the most and what you find most beautiful. And the only other person that deeply, truly knows all those things about you is the one person who created those characteristics in you. Our father is the only one who can love us unconditionally and PERFECTLY. Don't believe me? Go read Hosea chapter 2. Look at the amazing, tender love the father has for us. He blocks us in and tears us up until we let go of our idols and earthly "lovers" (places we run to try to find comfort and affirmation) and realize that there is no one but Him to love and comfort us. And as soon as we realize it..man. He lavishes us in love like we've never known. He wants to "betroth [us] in love and compassion". Such a foreign combination of fatherly devotion and romantic passion, but so beautiful in the eyes of our Father.


This is a weird, deep, sort of controversial post. But I wanted to share it with those women who like me, sometimes wonder, "Am I really good enough?" The answer is yes. You are.

The Voice of Truth

Hey, everyone!

It's finals week! Hence, I don't have a whole lot of spare thought for eloquent writing. But the main thing that's been on my mind today is the concept of Satan being a huge, jerk, liar, and God's voice being the only real truth! Also, I've been chewing on the importance of actually setting aside time to LISTEN for God's voice. The things that others say about us (or to us) aren't necessarily truth. Things that people say that are hurtful and mean spirited are, I think, often Satan's way of wreaking havoc and destruction in our hearts and lives. This is one of my favorite songs, and really, it always has been. It seems silly that it took until today for it to really sink in that God's voice is the only one that I have any business paying attention to. I encourage you to read the words and let it sink in that God loves you and speaks only truth into your life. Listen. We cannot expect to hear God if we're walking around listening to the voices around us and not giving time to listen to His as well.

"If I don't take time to listen to God, I WON'T HEAR GOD." -- Jacob Norwood

Oh,what I would do to have
the kind of faith it takes
To climb out of this boat I'm in
Onto the crashing waves
To step out of my comfort zone
Into the realm of the unknown
Where Jesus is,
And he's holding out his hand

But the waves are calling out my name
and they laugh at me
Reminding me of all the times
I've tried before and failed
The waves they keep on telling me
time and time again
"Boy, you'll never win,
You you'll never win."

But the voice of Truth tells me a different story
the voice of Truth says "Do not be afraid!"
and the Voice of truth says "This is for MY glory."
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of Truth.

Oh, what I would do
to have the kind of strength it takes
to stand before a giant
with just a sling and a stone.
Surrounded by the sound
of a thousand warriors
shaking in their armor
wishing they'd have had the strength to stand.

But the giant's calling out
my name and he laughs at me,
reminding me of all the times
I've tried before and failed.
The giant keeps on telling me
time and time again
"Boy you'll never win,
you'll never win."

But the voice of Truth tells me a different story
the voice of Truth says "Do not be afraid!"
and the Voice of truth says "This is for MY glory".
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of Truth.

But the stone was just the right size
to put the giant on the ground
and the waves they don't seem so high
from on top of them looking down.
I will soar with the wings of eagles
when I stop and listen to the sound of Jesus
singing over me

But the Voice of truth tells me a different story
The voice of Truth says "Do not be afraid!"
And the voice of Truth says "This is for my glory".
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of Truth

I will listen and believe
I will listen and believe the Voice of truth
I will listen and believe
'Cause Jesus you are the voice of Truth
And I will listen to you...Oh, you are the voice of Truth.

Relationships: Two Halves of a Whole or Two Wholes with One Heart?

Hey everyone!
I can't believe it's December. I also can't believe I went the entire month of November without posting on this blog! I usually post after I've had a really good "Jesus time". And the fact that I haven't posted worries me. But anyway. This week, the thing that's been on my mind quite a bit is relationships. Here at Baylor, I'm surrounded by wonderful guys. And lots of cute couples. And it makes me wonder if I'm going to find a guy (the guy) here or not. But aside from my own relationship queries, here's a theory that I have, that I'm going to share with you. I actually never really thought about this until I read the book "Godchicks and the Men They Love" (amazing book, by the way, you should read it!) But one of the points that the authors (a wonderful married couple) make in the book is that so often, our society views people as "incomplete" until we're in a relationship, or until we find our "other half". How messed up is that?! The Bible does not say that on the 6th day, God created half a man! He created each of us as individuals, whole and complete in Him! So why do we have this idea that we need an "other half"? I'm not sure. But this is the way I think we should view relationships: a relationship. A partnership. A relationship (marriage or a serious romantic relationship) is between two, whole, complete people. Those people don't have to be perfectly rounded, of course. There can (and should be) strengths and weaknesses that are complimented by your spouse/partner/whatever. But in all, a relationship should be a complimentary partnership between two whole people, not "two halves of a whole". So rather than looking for someone who "completes us" and makes us into a whole being, we should find our own identity in Christ and then let God bring us a person who compliments us in our wholeness.

Considering this post was written over the course of two days, it's probably a little scattered. But there it is!

Who am I? I'm a daughter of the King.

"Nothing is so common-place as the wish to be remarkable." -- William Shakespeare


Who am I? What am I all about? I am supposed to write this blog for my History 1305 class..there is no formal prompt, no official assignment. The concept? Write about yourself and your story. Who are you? Where did you come from? How did you get here? I tend to feel that telling my story would be terribly boring for others to read. I am one person, one eighteen year old girl. I haven't made a major contribution to science. I didn't find the cure for cancer. I haven't ever saved anyone from a burning building. I don't have superpowers. I've never had a near death experience (though with how clumsy I am, it seems that every staircase could be one). I've never done anything particularly remarkable. I've never even been out of the country!But do you know what IS remarkable about me? I am a daughter of Christ. According to the book of Ephesians, I was chosen by my father before I was ever born to be His. Why, is beyond my understanding. But what has that fact to do with WHO I am? Everything! Everything I am and everything I do is colored by the fact that I was created by, for, and in the image of Christ. My Father sees the value in me, even when I can't. He loves my loud laugh, talkative personality, and tendency to never hold back..even when I (or others) don't. He created me exactly the way that I am, and that, despite what I or others may think, makes me special. The talents and gifts that He has given me are things that I can use to make a difference in this world. And THAT is what's truly remarkable. I am going to make a difference in this world. Make a difference? In the WHOLE WORLD? Yes. It would be so easy for me to go about living my life with nothing more on my mind than achieving a fabulous career, a good husband, wonderful kids, and some recognition for being a "good Christian". But that's not what I've been called to do. I was called to make a difference!

Do you know how big the world is? It's huge. I wanted to post some big, impressive number to show the world population, but given its probably changed about 1700 times since I started typing, I can't. There are so many people, so many cultures, so many lives that need Jesus. How is a 17 year old girl from Texas supposed to make any sort of impact in a world that big? It worries me. Ever since I was six years old, I've known that Jesus was my Savior. I've been taught the stories, examined the theology, studied the issues and learned to express and argue my beliefs. But what do you do when you meet someone who asks if "Jesus comes down and talks" during church, or asks what a "tith" is (meaning tithe). The idea of overcoming all of the misconceptions of just that one person (an American teenager, raised by a man who grew up Methodist) is baffling enough. What about the rest of the world who hasn't ever heard the message of the Gospels? It's an overwhelming thought. Maybe, like me, you've wondered how on earth little old you is supposed to save all those people. Well, here's my two cents.

For the past 3 years, God has really been growing me and showing me the plans He has for me: I need to make an impact. When I first realized that changing lives and showing people the love of God was my passion, I was completely terrified. How was I supposed to do that? People might reject me, reject my beliefs. Their arguments against the Bible might be stronger than mine for it! Fear took over. But then I remembered that I am not a savior. I'm a farmer. Never in the Bible does it say that Christians are to go out saving people and forgiving their sins. We are told to "go and make disciples", "spread the word" and "teach and instruct". Nothing in there about saving. Sure, in an indirect way, we are. But its more like throwing a drowning man a life-jacket than singlehandedly pulling him out of the water by your own strength. All we're called to do is spread the word, plant the seeds, and let God handle the heart-changing.

Give me one pure and holy passion
Give me one magnificent obsession
Give me one glorious ambition for my life:
To KNOW and FOLLOW HARD after you.

I believe that if every Christian followed the words of the song I just quoted, that the world would be impacted in a huge way. I've heard it said that Christians who are really and fully in love with Jesus can't help but be a witness. The way we act, dress, think, and speak simply becomes our witness. People see our lives and, through that, see the love of Christ. I tend to think that if you really see God doing things in your life, you wouldn't be able to help talking about it. Maybe you're not shouting from the rooftops or blasting through a megaphone, but I know that at least for me, when God does something in my life, I want to tell someone! And BAM! Right there: an opportunity to witness. So you see? We don't have to save. All we have to do is LOVE JESUS and share his love with others. We can let God do the rest. Our mission, or rather, our charge, is not to save people. Its to plant seeds.

Comforting, isn't it? To realize that you're incapable of saving someone. It doesn't seem like realizing your own helplessness would be comforting, but in light of the awesome God we serve, it is. I am not asked to save people. I'm not capable of saving myself from my impending Spanish test, never mind saving someone else from eternal separation from God! But God is MORE than capable. So all we really need to do is LOVE GOD. Follow after Him. Learn about Him, follow in His footsteps, and allow His light to shine through our words and, often more importantly, our actions. In that way, we become living witnesses to the love and saving grace of Christ - and that's exactly what we were told to do. THAT is how we make a difference. THAT is how I'm going to make a difference.

We don't have to be saviors - we just have to be farmers. And I think even I can handle that.