Making Use Of My Blessings

         Today, as I sat down with my Bible and a cup of coffee, I was drawn to 1 Samuel 1-2, the story of Hannah and the birth of Samuel. For those who haven't read the story in a while, or those who never have, the basic synopsis is this: Hannah was barren, and poured her heart out to the Lord in anguish, begging Him for a son. She vowed that if the Lord blessed her with a son, she would offer the son back to him and take the son to be a priest in the temple under Eli. The Lord was faithful to Hannah, and she did exactly what she promised she would do - after she weaned Samuel (the son) she took him to the temple at Shiloh and placed him under Eli's care for the rest of his life.

        Wow. Talk about faith! Talk about a woman who knew that everything she was and everything she was given belonged to the Lord! In a society as materialistic and success-driven as our own, it is incredibly easy to forget that we have been blessed and GIVEN the things we have. Yes, we work hard and make money and earn titles/jobs/resources, but ultimately it is God who allows us to work, to earn, to strive and to be successful. In Acts chapter 17, Paul writes, "From one man he made every nation of men, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he determined the times set for them and the exact places where they should live. God did this so that men would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from each one of us. For in Him we live and move and have our being. As some of your own poets have said, 'We are his offspring.'" 

When I read Hannah's story, I was forced to see just how open-handed she was. She didn't guard Samuel and hold onto him as if he were her own - she raised him up and offered him BACK to the Lord. Hannah recognized that Samuel was a gift, a sign of God's faithfulness to her, and she recognized that Samuel was HIS. In a perfect world, socialism would work. The people of God would live as the people of the New Testament did: sharing everything and holding nothing back. However, our world is not perfect. We are a fallen people who struggle daily with greed, materialism, and selfishness. We have a hard time realizing that no matter how hard we work, the things we earn are ultimately from God! God determines where we start and where we end. He blessed us with the freedom to make choices and take whichever path we choose, but He is our ultimate source of life. He blesses us with resources and circumstances! I often forget that the things I've been given are not SOLELY for my enjoyment - I am supposed to use the circumstances and resources that God has given me to BRING HIM GLORY. Yesterday, a friend tweeted, "If your answer to 'What is the meaning of life?' isn't 'God's glorification', then you're doing it wrong." Our lives, our circumstances (good or bad), our resources (many or few) are given to us as tools to bring God glory. Should we enjoy the gifts God has given us? Yes! Ultimately, though, we have to keep our minds set on His glory. We need to keep an eternal perspective! This life is not what we were designed for. This world is not our home! The things we are given now will pass away and fade just as quickly as they came. The things we DO with these things we're given, however...those acts are eternal. The lives we save by giving to those less fortunate than ourselves, the souls won to Christ by church-supported missionaries, and the hearts touched by our willingness to give generously will last. Our time, our money, our material possessions, even our COMFORT are things we can sacrifice to bring God glory. Those things are resources and gifts that God has given us to USE, not just enjoy. They're what I like to call "utility gifts". A beautiful necklace or a sweet love letter are gifts given from the heart for us to enjoy, but they don't serve much purpose. A new pressure washer, though, that thing gets stuff done! We should see the things God gives us not as sweet presents for us to admire and stare at, but as utility gifts we can use to accomplish His Kingdom purposes! Does this mean that you can't help accomplish God's purposes without financial or material resources? No! I believe that even what we see as "negative" circumstances or times of doubt, grief, pain, and loss are "utility gifts". Times of grief and struggle are often the times that God grows us and changes us the most. He enables us to be more vulnerable and more desperate for Him in those times than in any others. Our desperation, our seeking, our desire for Him can touch lives! We can grow in the knowledge of him so that we will be better, more capable tools for his kingdom! Our faithfulness to God during hard times is a testament in and of itself, and people notice. We can (and should) use both good times AND bad to bring glory to His name.

Praise God for his goodness to his people!

Pride Comes Before The Fall

Hey, everyone! It has been so long since my last post. Many times in my spiritual life, when I find that I'm not spending as much time deeply studying God's Word, it's because I'm in a dry spell or feeling distant from my Father. However, the past couple of months, I've felt that God has blessed me with a time of peace and rest. Though I haven't been spending as much time as I'd like in prayer and scripture, I've also been feeling much less anxious and frustrated with my spiritual life than before. I did, however, feel myself drifting from the closeness I so desperately want with my Daddy God, I think mostly due to the fact that I just don't have a place to go to church regularly. Church is a difficult thing for me right now, simply because I don't have a "home church" in Arlington since my family left Pantego, and I don't yet feel "at home" at a church in Waco. I so miss the sweet times of worship, study, and fellowship that being a member of a close-knit church family brings. Nothing in the world can compare to the encouragement and love of a church family. One thing about being an active member of the Body of Christ that many people struggle with, though, (including myself) is the concept of correction or instruction. I believe that the way we receive correction or admonition from our brothers and sisters in Christ quickly displays whether or not we are wise people. The passage that the Lord brought to me tonight is Proverbs 9:7-9, which says, 


"Whoever corrects a mocker invites insult; whoever rebukes a wicked man incurs abuse. Do not rebuke a mocker or he will hate you; rebuke a wise man and he will love you. Instruct a wise man and he will be wiser still; teach a righteous man and he will add to his learning."


    The question this passage brings to mind for me is, "How do you respond to correction?" In this verse, the writer says that rebuking a foolish man will only make him hate you, while rebuking a wise man will make him love you. When we, even as Christians, are not full of the Spirit, we do not respond to criticism with grace and humility. 1 Corinthians 2:14 says, "The man without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him..." The words that come from the Spirit are taken as gibberish if we do not use the discernment and wisdom given to us by the Holy Spirit to receive them. But how does our response to correction display wisdom or foolishness? Proverbs 9:10 says, 


"The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding."  


 A wise man is someone who understands, as much as a man can, the power and righteousness and sovereignty of God. A wise man knows the Lord and knows himself - he is privy to his own weakness and need for the salvation of the Lord. He accepts his position as a sinner, and as a result, is open to correction that comes from his fellow believers and, ultimately, the Holy Spirit. A wise man is someone who is humble. On the other hand, foolishness is often accompanied by great pride and self-love. When someone "attacks" the heart or actions of a foolish man, even in love, the man will become defensive and hateful as a result of his own pride. When we recognize who we are and who God is, we are able to receive loving criticism from others with a humble and grateful heart. When we refuse to see God as He is and elevate ourselves to a position of prideful self-love, we receive criticism as a personal attack. Our reaction to others' loving guidance quickly and easily displays the state of our hearts. 


So, how do you respond to criticism? Do you shut down and become defensive, or do you accept it humbly and graciously? As much as I hate to admit it, I don't handle constructive criticism or being "called out" well, even by those I love and trust most. My first instinct is to become harsh and defensive, and to allow my pride to cloud my heart's vision.  Even when my mind can clearly see that my friend is right, my pride and foolishness won't allow me to humble myself and to be receptive to their words. What I need more of us the Spirit. 1 Corinthians 2:12 says, "We have not received the spirit of the world but the Spirit who is from God..." When we are in relationship with the Lord and are full of the Holy Spirit, we are able to understand and accept loving admonition. When we are full of self-love and pride, we will reject the words of the Spirit every time. Humble, or prideful? Wise, or foolish? We have been freely given the choice. Praise God!

My Calling

Shoot, y'all.

I just finished typing out this paper - it's an assignment about exploring the definition of what a "call to ministry" is and explaining what you believe your personal calling is (for my intro to ministry course). It's four pages long, and I completely understand if you don't want to read it! I just thought I would post it here to tell anyone who wants to read it a little more about my journey with Christ and my calling! Also, sorry if the formatting is strange. It's written in MLA format, and I just copy-pasted it here.

Here we go.

When thinking about the concept of a “call” to ministry, the first thing that should be defined is what ministry is. Ephesians 4:11-13 says,

“It was he who gave some to be apostles, some to be prophets, some to be evangelists, and some to be pastors and teachers, to prepare God's people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ.”

To me, ministry is exactly that – serving or leading others in a way that is conducive to building up the church (or the world as a whole, in the case of missions-based ministry) toward unity in faith. A “call to ministry”, then, is feeling a strong desire, pull, or, sometimes, push to serve in this way. This calling is something that should be supported and confirmed through prayer, seeking God’s will, and affirmation from the spiritual community that surrounds an individual. Many people believe that their call to ministry is based on a strong desire. Others say that they feel ministry is what God wanted for them – whether they wanted it or not. I believe that either of these sentiments can serve as a call to ministry. Often, God gives us gifts, talents, and passions that lead us to ministry, somewhat like Paul’s aptitude for speaking and debating. Sometimes, though, He calls us to areas of ministry that we don’t believe we have a strong inclination toward, like Moses’ call to lead the Israelites to freedom in spite of his hatred of speaking publicly. I believe, however, that most people are called to a specific type of ministry – i.e., pastoral ministry, music, children’s ministry, youth, etc. For me, the calling is primarily toward young women.

Ever since I was a little girl, I’ve loved helping people, listening to their problems, and giving advice. My mother tells me that when I was 5 or 6, I would put my glasses onto my favorite stuffed animal and turn him in to “Dr. Cow” – Dr. Cow would then become a psychologist and give advice to the people he heard on the radio (my mom was a fan of Dr. Laura Schlessinger’s Christian talk-show). Growing up, my dreams about my future vocation ranged from police officer, to chemist, to professional musician, to writer. When I was 14, I began going out with a boy named Daniel. A year and a half later, when I was nearly 16, I felt God calling me to end the relationship and to pursue Him wholeheartedly. Though I had been saved when I was young and had been living a Christian life, I knew that I had allowed my relationship with Daniel to take priority over my relationship with Christ. For several months, I tried to avoid being obedient to the call I’d received, but I was so filled with anxiety and conviction that I finally did end the relationship. That summer, I spent the majority of my time reading and thinking about the state of my heart: clearly, I’d let myself become far too emotionally invested in my relationship with Daniel. I began reading books concerning teenage relationships and the way those relationships should be handled in light of our relationship with Christ. Books such as Eyes Wide Open: Avoiding the Heartbreak of Emotional Promiscuity and Every Young Woman’s Battle opened my eyes to the physical and emotional hardships that Christian young women face in our society – a society that encourages promiscuity, vanity, and drama, while and denouncing purity, self-acceptance, and a Christ-centered life. I also fell in love with the books Hosea and Song of Solomon. Both of these books contain beautiful messages about God’s radical love for us – a message I felt called to share with other women. Though the end of my relationship with Daniel was painful, it marked the beginning of my journey in ministry. I’ve known since then that I was called to help people – particularly teenage girls and women. It took 4 years for me to come around to the concept of actually going into ministry as a vocation. My plans have evolved from editing a Christian teen magazine, to writing books for girls, to clinical psychology, and finally, to biblical counseling and public speaking.

When I first began my freshman year at Baylor University, my “plan” as a psychology major was to obtain my PhD and become a clinical psychologist. About half way through the year, as I was choosing the classes I would take in the semesters to come, I began to wonder if that was really what I wanted. When people asked me what I wanted to “do” with psychology, I would tell them that I wanted to be a clinical psychologist. I’m not sure of the exact moment, but I eventually realized that this was not true. I slowly came to see that, though I knew it would require a longer education process, becoming a clinical psychologist was, for me, taking the “easy way out”. I knew I was called to serve the Lord through serving others, particularly women, but choosing ministry as a vocation would require me to put aside my carefully made plans and trust God to direct my future. I feared what I saw as an “uncertain” future, and, as a result, rejected the idea of devoting myself and my studies to my calling of ministry-based counseling and women’s ministry.

One thing that contributed to my decision to finally accept my calling was taking Christian Scriptures. I’d grown up in a private, Christian school, and honestly didn’t expect Christian Scriptures to be of much interest to me; I thought it would be more or less a review of things I’d learned over 12 years of daily Bible classes and weekly chapels. As the class progressed, however, and I saw the way that Dr. Holleyman unfolded the scriptures, I suddenly found myself desperate to study them more. Despite my previous Christian education, I had never really dug into the Scriptures from a literary and historical perspective – I was fascinated. Christian Scriptures quickly became one of my two favorite classes. The other, of course, was Introduction to Psychology. I looked up other classes that the religion department offered and decided that I wanted to take so many that I would need to add a minor in religion. The moment that I finally decided to change my focus from clinical psychology to counseling, I experienced a sense of joy, excitement and peace about my future that I hadn’t felt before. Not long after that, I met with the college pastor of Highland Baptist Church, Kyle Dunn, who encouraged me to consider attending seminary if I really wanted to serve in a ministry position. When I discovered that most seminaries offer a master’s degree in Biblical Counseling, I knew that that was the route I needed to take. I knew that I could get a counseling degree from any university, but my interest in studying religion and my desire to practice counseling specifically in a ministry setting led me to choose seminary for my graduate work. This decision essentially served as my acceptance of the call God had given me so many years before: a call to encourage, teach, lead, and love young women in the name of Christ.

Confession Time

Hey, everyone. Well, as this post says, I have a few thoughts I'd like to get out. This blog tends to be more of a formal, polished collection of thoughts and encouragements than a journal or diary. I don't post too often about personal conflicts, my daily life, or my struggles. Sometimes, I look at this blog and think, "Wow. I seem so secure." In all honesty, right now, I'm not. I am secure in my faith - there's no question about that. But this past few months, maybe even a year, has been a time of spiritual drought and lukewarm faith for me. I haven't shared much of my heart with people as of late, partly because I'm ashamed, and partly because I feel I have nothing to say. My heart feels dry and empty.

I wonder sometimes about the church these days. The book "Messy Spirituality" seems especially relevant right now. In the book, the author talks about how Christians are afraid to share their downfalls, faults, hurts, fears, doubts, and failures with other Christians. As Christians, aren't we supposed to be on a path constantly moving upward and improving ourselves? Aren't we supposed to be full of the love and peace of God? Aren't we supposed to keep happy faces and be full of joy, even in times of terrible suffering? In essence, the author points out that there is a huge gap between what we're expected to feel and think and what we ACTUALLY feel and think.

"Hey, Devon! How are you?!"

"Hey, girl! I'm fantastic! You know, tired, but God is good!"

"Great. See you later!"

versus

"Hey, Devon! How are you?!"

"Hey, girl. To be honest, I'm not good. My spiritual life is struggling, my grades are slipping, my parents are all over me, and I just don't feel the Lord in my life right now."

Sadly, most of the time, even if we were to be this honest and frank about our spiritual state, we get the same answer. "Great. See you later!" Sometimes they'll add in an "Oh, I'm sorry." or a "God is good! Keep your chin up!" but the sentiment is the same: the church today has us convinced that we aren't supposed to be messy. Christianity is supposed to be a happy, joyful group of people who don't slip, don't stumble, and don't ever feel anything other than "Great!" or "Pretty good, just a little tired!" If we were to honestly answer people every time they asked us how we were doing, we'd confuse the heck out of people.

Why? Why does the church adopt this happy-Christian facade? Early members of the church certainly didn't. Many times in the New Testament, Paul speaks openly about his struggles, pains, and personal shortcomings. Paul is OPEN with his life - his failures and his successes. Can you imagine the depth our relationships could have if we were willing to lay down our pride and show our true selves to each other as Christians? Everyone knows we aren't perfect. People say it all the time! So why are we so afraid to express what we KNOW to be true? Sometimes I wonder if the reason isn't doubt. This may sound a little scattered, but stay with me. IF we, as Christians know that we are sinners, undeserving of grace and completely deserving of death, that God so loved us that he sacrificed Jesus on our behalf, that we are completely absolved of our sins and absolutely forgiven, and that we are saved by our faith in the one who loves us endlessly, why would we be afraid to show our hearts to people? We're saved! We're dirty, sinful human people - but in the eyes of Christ we are white as snow! Who's opinion matters more? Man, or God? Galatians 1:10 says, "Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ." Why should we care if people know that we're sinners? Why should we care if they know that we're in a time of spiritual drought or that we're having doubts? If anything, our doubts, fears, and failures bring more glory to God! His strength is perfected in my weakness. Paul writes, "Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

Wow. Here's my confession, followers. I am weak. I don't read my Bible the way I should - in fact, I want to, but I'm too overwhelmed to start. I love helping people, but those who are in my way or hindering me from reaching a goal I treat terribly. I battle lust, greed, and impatience, I don't have even the faith of a mustard seed when it comes to putting my future into the hands of God, and at this point in my life, I feel dry and weary. My first instinct is to erase everything I just wrote, in shame and fear of what others might think. But I HAVE to remind myself that the opinions of the 6 people who read this blog mean NOTHING. My weaknesses bring glory to God. The fact that he could (and does) love someone like me shows His mercy, grace, goodness, patience, and perfect love. He is glorified in my screw ups! Does that mean I should walk around doing whatever I choose and disregarding my goal to follow Christ entirely, so that I'll "bring God more glory"? No! But not hiding the inevitable and very real struggles we Christians face from one another is good. From a website called www.thegospelcoalition.org:

Share one another’s needs and problems.

Galatians 6:2: “Carry each other’s burdens”

1 Thessalonians 5:11: “Encourage one another”

Hebrews 3:13: “Encourage one another daily”

Share one another’s needs and problems.

Galatians 6:2: “Carry each other’s burdens”

1 Thessalonians 5:11: “Encourage one another”

Hebrews 3:13: “Encourage one another daily”

Fellow Christians, let's boast about our sufferings as Paul does. Let's be honest with our brothers and sisters. In this way, we can encourage one another, cheer each other on, and help each other when times are hard. We are not called to live our spiritual lives alone - you are not alone.

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Made New!

Hey, everyone!

Man. Life has been...well, life. Tomorrow is the last day of the semester for me, and I am definitely ready to get home. As y'all know, it's been a rough semester for me in pretty much every way, especially spiritually. I've definitely let my spiritual life fall by the wayside and I haven't been really holding fast to my beliefs! Not okay! I don't usually think much of New Years, but this year, I'm couldn't be more excited to celebrate new beginnings. That's actually something that we talked about in church today - being made new. The college pastor at Woodway talked about the story of Nicodemus in a way I've never thought about it before; he says that Nicodemus had an agenda. Nicodemus, ruler of the Pharisees, came to Jesus in the night to ask him questions. Nicodemus, a man of power and position in the church, came to Jesus. He starts to ask Jesus a question but before he is even able to finish, Jesus cuts him off and tells him that, "...no one can see the kingdom of God unless they are born again," Interesting. To me, this sounds like the answer to a question. Problem: Nicodemus didn't ask a question. So why did Jesus tell him this? Criner talked this morning about how Nicodemus came to Jesus with an agenda. He wanted to add whatever it was that Jesus was selling to his already good, Pharisee life. Jesus immediately cuts Nicodemus off to tell him that there is NO way he will see the Kingdom unless he is born again. Nicodemus can't just "add a little Jesus" to his life. None of us can. We need the transforming power of Jesus to come in to our lives, rip us apart, and make us completely new creations. We are told to be "transformed by the renewing of our minds" (Rom. 12:2) and that if we are in Christ, we are a "new creation" and the old has gone! (2 Cor. 5:17). Jesus doesn't do things halfway. Jesus doesn't do makeovers, Jesus destroys our old self and rebuilds us from the ground up. He doesn't add a nice touch to our story, either. Jesus comes into our lives and recreates us into a completely new being. He brings us into HIS story, and our lives cease to be about US. We live in a society that justifies everything it does - we don't think we've done anything wrong. It's hard for us to understand the weight of our sin - I'll tell you, it's not something that can be covered with a fresh coat of paint and some new curtains. We need TRANSFORMATION, not renovation. We need to be born again. This analogy, to me, is so interesting it's almost funny. Can you imagine being born again, at the age you are now? It would be messy, uncomfortable, painful, not to mention embarrassing. When we are infants, we aren't aware of all that - we only know that we are being forced to leave somewhere warm and comfortable and safe, and enter a strange, cold world full of things we don't understand. Our parents know that out here, in the world, is a better place for us. We trust them to provide for us and care for us, not because we choose to, but because we have no other choice. Infants don't actively choose to trust their parents - it is the only thing they know to do. We need to be born again! We need to be made completely new and then trust that Jesus is going to care for us. Really, we don't have a choice. He is our only hope, our only strength, our only chance at really living the lives God has for us.

Let's not be made over, renovated, or spruced-up. Let's be overhauled, recreated, and made new by the blood of Jesus. Praise the Lord!

I'm Not Alone

Wow, y'all. It's been a while, huh? I've been so insanely busy this year, and honestly, I've been in a huge slump with my Daddy God. Satan has been attacking my heart, pulling me into sin, and whispering lies to me! I've definitely stumbled a lot, and hit the ground face first more than a few times. I didn't even really want to write in this blog, because I just felt like I had nothing to say. I'm still not entirely sure what I want to say, but here's what's on my mind. I am not alone. I am not perfect. I feel like Satan has been trying to make me believe that I'm the only one who messes up, and that I can't trust anyone with my problems or shortcomings. He's been flooding my heart with shame and guilt, and that is not of the Holy Spirit! I think what I'm getting at is this: God doesn't bring guilt and shame, he brings conviction and then FORGIVENESS. He tells us that our sins are as far from us as the east is from the west. Our father, who knows all and sees all and holds all, chooses to throw our sin away from himself and forget it (once it has been confessed). He wants us to be completely united with Him through the redeeming blood of Christ, and as the pastor of my college ministry says, "You can't sin your way out of grace." Also, something I'm trying to wrap my mind around, is that I am not alone. I am not the only imperfect one. I am not the only person who struggles and sometimes falls. I am not isolated! I think that Satan wants us to believe that we are. And, ironically, if we believe that we are alone and isolated, we tend to become isolated! God calls us all to one body and unites us in his love. We are called to love and show grace to each other. Listen to each other and offer help and support and grace - not judgement or anger. Take heart, y'all! We are called to do life together - and Lord knows life isn't always pretty. Paul says this:

"So, my brothers and sisters, you also died to the law through the body of Christ, that you might belong to another, to him who was raised from the dead, in order that we might bear fruit for God. ⁵ For when we were in the realm of the flesh,^[a] the sinful passions aroused by the law were at work in us, so that we bore fruit for death. ⁶ But now, by dying to what once bound us, we have been released from the law so that we serve in the new way of the Spirit, and not in the old way of the written code.

¹⁴ We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. ¹⁵ I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. ¹⁶ And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. ¹⁷ As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. ¹⁸ For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature.^[c] For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out.¹⁹ For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. ²⁰ Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.

²¹ So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. ²² For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; ²³ but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. ²⁴What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? ²⁵Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!" Romans 7:4-6, 4-24

And also:

"¹ Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, ² because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you^[a] free from the law of sin and death. ³ For what the law was powerless to do because it was weakened by the flesh,^[b] God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh to be a sin offering.^[c]And so he condemned sin in the flesh.." Romans 8:1-3

Y'all, we are free. We have been set free from our sin and our struggling and our striving. We are held and loved by God, and as long as we are in Christ, the only power that sin has over us is the power we give to it. I am most definitely preaching to myself, here! I'm free.

"You can't run if you're holding suitcases, it's a new day throw away your mistakes. Open up your heart, let down your guard, you don't have to be afraid. Just breathe, your load can be lifted. There's a better way when you know you're forgiven." -- Dara Maclean

I know that most of what I've posted today is not even my own words - but these words are expressions of what I'm feeling and trying to believe! I hope they've been an encouragement to you.

D

Surrender

Hey, guys!

It's been so long since I've posted. I've been insanely busy, but also spiritually somewhat dry. I'd love to tell you all about what God has been doing in my life, but honestly, I haven't been giving him the time to do it, lately. I know that God has the power to do anything he likes, with or without my consent. But will he? That's what my post is about today. So many times in my life, I feel overwhelmed. Out of control. Anxious, fearful, stress-ridden, lost. All I want is for someone else to step in and run my life for me so I don't have to worry about it anymore. Have you ever felt that way? I'll bet that most of us have. In fact, lately, I've been feeling that way more often than not. What my heart really wants is for God to break down my walls and barriers, tear apart my life, and TAKE control away from me so that I don't have to fight to hold onto it anymore. I don't want to worry about RELEASING the areas of my life I know I'm keeping sequestered from my Father, I just want him to grab them from me. But is that really the way God works? From what I've learned about my Father, he is loving. Patient. Kind. Protective. He WANTS control of our lives even more than I want him to have it. So why doesn't he just take it? I think the reason that God often sits back and lets us wrestle with our problems is somewhat similar to the reason we have free will. If we were forced to obey God's commandments, our lives wouldn't reflect a love for him. We wouldn't be loving, devoted children - we'd be slaves (and the Bible specifically says we're NOT slaves, but that we're free in Christ!). God allows us to make decisions because he loves us, and he wants us to choose HIM. When we don't, it breaks his heart. But he waits, ever so patiently, and lets us discover how much we need him on our own. That way, when we do finally realize how wonderful life could be if we chose God's way, we are filled with awe and love and wonder at his Grace! The same can be said for releasing control of our lives to God. God doesn't want to just take control away from us. He wants us to love him and TRUST him enough to let it go voluntarily. I'll be the first to say that this is difficult. My anxiety and OCD make it hard for me to relinquish control of ANYTHING, never mind my life and my future. It would be so much easier if God would just wrench control away from me! But I think that, more often than not, he would rather just wait for us to realize how much we need him and how much better his plans are than ours. That way, when we finally do surrender, we can be filled with love for our father and awe at his mercy and grace. In Matthew, Jesus compares himself to a mother hen, who wants nothing more than to gather her chicks under her wings. But do you know what the most amazing part is? Jesus isn't exactly like a mother hen. You know those women people describe as mother hens? A little dominant, impatient, but very loving and task oriented and protective? That would be me. Mother hens (real or human) don't wait around for their chicks to come snuggle under their wings. They run around like wild, scooping them up and shoving them under without hesitating or asking for permission. Sometimes, Jesus does this in our lives. Sometimes, he bursts in and scoops us up before we even realize what's going on. But the way Jesus describes himself in this passage in Matthew is as a mother hen who LONGS to gather her chicks, but doesn't because THEY AREN'T WILLING. Woah. This God who is all powerful, all knowing, all mighty, and all loving, WAITS for us to be willing. That tells me that not only does God have crazy, radical love for us - he wants us to have crazy, radical, trusting love for him in return. Surrendering control of our lives to Him shows that we trust (or are at least willing to trust) in His plans for us. He waits for us with open arms until we are ready to surrender to him. What a patient, forgiving father.